This Week In DCBA: Draft Review

Lean, mean fighting machines aren't drafted, they're made.

Another year, another five-hour draft, but this time on 10 different computers in 4 different states, or whatever the hell D.C. is supposed to be. No, I am not smarter than a fifth-grader. I wouldn't even lie about it and say I am and suffer the humiliation of being beaten up by one. Anyhow, the first online draft in league history leaves us in line to have full rosters for a full season. The first round of the playoffs starts on April 1, but before then, let's review the draft, chew the fat, make some predictions, and then chew the fat some more. The ensuing heart attack will acclimate you sufficiently for attempting to make an easy trade. For those who are new to the DRAFT RECAPTACULAR, let me remind you that the future is a predictable place, but sometimes those predictions can be wrong. Except when they're made by me. For your reference (and amazement), a few of my deadly accurate picks from last year:

The Dirigibles:
Best pick: Gravy Sizemore
Worst pick: Jason Kendall
Steal: Matt Holliday

Prophetic Maltings:
Steal: Bill E. Hall

Naps:
Best pick: Ryan Howard

Bebop Cowboys:
Best pick: Paul Konerko
Worst pick: Alfonso Soriano
Steal: Neal Cotts

So, as you can see, I'm hoping to keep my average at 1.000.



And now, the 2007 DRAFT RECAPTACULAR!

Jackanapes: Fewest foreign-born players on roster. One year in New England has turned Chris into Mr. Patriot.
Best Pick:Carlos Delgado
Worst Pick:Jered Weaver
Steal: Mike Piazza
Grade: C

All The Wrong Cubs: Astros as first round picks two years in a row. All The Wrong Astros?
Best pick: Carlos Lee
Worst pick: Kelvim Escobar
Steal: Carlos Guillen
Grade: C

Not So Fragile Flowers: The Baltimore Orioles of the DCBA. Once again starting the season hoping this is the year they move up from 4th place.
Best pick:Brandon Webb

Worst pick:Joel Piniero
Steal: Gary Sheffield
Grade: C


Da Infidels: A mullet draft for Aamer; short in the front and long in the back. Just about as pretty.
Best pick: Robinson Cano

Worst pick: Nate Robertson

Steal: Robinson Cano
Grade: C


Festivus Miracles: His number one was actually number two. In fantasy baseball, as in real life, it's never pretty when that happens.

Best pick: Joe Nathan

Worst pick: Josh Willingham
Steal: Javier Vazquez

Grade: B-


Slipstream Starlings: Drafted the most pitchers (12). The hitters are supposed to be offensive, not the pitchers.

Best pick: Jeremy Bonderman

Worst pick: Randy Wolf

Steal: Chad Tracy

Grade:C


The Darned Sox: A Texan who didn't dodge the draft. Is shock and awe off the table, too?

Best pick: Dontrelle Willis

Worst pick: Chris Duncan

Steal: Brad Lidge

Grade: C


The Consummate Bastards: There are those who say his 4 first round picks were too many. Then there are those who say that none of those picks will be on the team at the end of the season anyhow. They're both right.

Best pick: C.C. Sabathia

Worst pick: Jhonny Peralta

Steal: Rich Harden
Grade: C


Savage Sickos: True fact: no team in DCBA history has ever won the title drafting Paul Konerko as their firstbaseman 2 years in a row.

Best pick: Erik Bedard

Worst pick: Paul Konerko

Steal: Conor Jackson
Grade: C


Naps: Champs to chumps in one year? Rip Van Winkle should be well rested before he sees this team on top again.
Best pick: Barry Bonds

Worst pick: BJ Upton

Steal: Sammy Sosa
Grade: C-



Final Projected Standings:

Savage Sickos: 20-3
Festivus Miracles: 14-9
All The Wrong Cubs: 12-11
The Consummate Bastards: 12-11
Da Infidels: 12-11
Jackanapes: 12-11
Slipstream Starlings: 12-11
The Consummate Bastards: 12-11
The Darned Sox: 12-11
Not So Fragile Flowers: 11-12
Naps: 8-15

Opening Week

As you are probably aware, Opening Day is near. Like in 5 days, 23 hours, 9 minutes, 15 seconds and counting. The first game of the 2007 MLB season is this Sunday night, April 1, 2007 at 8:05 PM when the NY Mets meet the St. Louis Cardinals.

As such, it will soon be time to set your Week 1 Lineup.

Just a reminder that the weekly line-up setting deadline is 30 minutes prior to the first pitch of the first game for the period. If the first game is Monday at 2:05 Eastern Time, your line-ups lock at 1:35 Eastern on Monday.

Therefore, the line-up setting deadline for the first scoring period of our season is Sunday night, April 1, 2007 at 7:35 PM.

Remember that typical scoring periods run from Monday --> Sunday. However, the first scoring period will also include this Sunday.

One final note: if you'd like to pick up a free agent to be eligible for the first week, Wednesday is your last chance due to the FAAB timing.

If you are ever in doubt about the deadlines from week-to-week, please consult the DCBA Calendar of Significant Events.

TransAction Monday

With less than a week before Opening Day, the post-draft TransAction action is fast and furious. And by "fast and furious" I mean "slow and dull" if you catch my Tokyo Drift.

The Not So Fragile Flowers took a dollar bill, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, walked three batters with it, doused it in gasoline then lit it on fire. Joe Borowski rose from the charred ashes and appeared on the NSFF's roster, replacing Joel Pineiro, who, by the way, was 5th in line for the Boston closer job. (Top notch pre-draft research, NSFF. Well done, chap. Bravo.)

On the FAAB scoring scale, I give this move an "A" for ¡Ay, caramba!

TransAction Mondays are provided by Commissioner Johnston for entertainment/reference purposes only and should be taken in the spirit in which they are written: with camaraderie and affection. TransActions are graded on the FAAB Scale, where F, A, A, and B represent whatever is convenient in any given week.

FAAB -- Fantasy Baseball Acquisition Budget

Congratulations on a successful draft. Thank you all for participating.

Feeling the post-draft blues? Did you forget to draft a first baseman? Did your star SS break his ankle minutes after you drafted him?

Don't worry. There are plenty of free agents out there to satisfy all your needs.

As you may recall, this year we are using the FAAB system for the acquisition of free agents. I would encourage you to re-read the relevant section in the rules before it all begins, but I thought I'd hit some highlights here:

• You have $50 in FAAB cash for the season. However, you may acquire more FAAB money in trades
• FAAB will run twice weekly: Wednesday nights (at Midnight) and Sunday nights (at Midnight), which means the deadline for submitting bids is Wednesdays at 11:59 PM and Sundays at 11:59 PM
• Bids should be submitted via CBS Sportsline. This is an automated process that kicks in when you try to add a free agent
• Only whole dollar bids will be accepted. You may not bid $0 on a player

The FAAB process will begin this Monday morning (3/19).

Sources Say

Sources say that pitching will go early and often in the upcoming DCBA Draft to be held this Sunday, March 18 at 11:00 a.m. CST (12:00 p.m. EST). Who's out there, and who's going to be taken?

Sources say that among those in the hunt for the coveted number one draft pick include Rich Harden, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Rick Ankiel, Brandon Webb, Boof Bonser, Felix Hernandez, and Jung Keun Bong.

Sammy Sosa has made the Texas Rangers opening day roster. Sources say that his reaction was to tell the Cubs that they can have their Pie and eat it too.

Sources say that one of the owners will bring his laptop to church and use their wi-fi connection to log in. Before choosing his players, he will shout the player's name and ask if he can get an amen. If he cannot get an amen, he will not choose that player.

Sources say that over 1/3 of the owners participating on Sunday will be inebriated within the 12 hours preceding and/or subsequent to the draft. Plan your strategy accordingly.

Coyote/Gator League Updates

Adjust your ranking accordingly.

Spring Training Leaders as of 3/13/07:

National League

BATTING AVERAGE

1. Pence, Hou .652
2. Hamilton, Cin .571
3. Ellison, SF .560
4. Byrnes, Ari. .522
5. Estrada, Mil .517

HOMERS

1. Eldred, Pitt 4
2. Phillips, Cin 4
3. Sledge, SD 4

SLUGGING

1. Pence, Hou 1.174
2. Eldred, Pitt 1.000
3. Byrnes, Ari. .957
4. Hamilton, Cin .821
5. Zimmerman, Wash .818

SAVES

1. Cherry, Chi 3
2. Hull, LA 2
3. Koplove, Fla 2
4. Meloan, LA 2
5. Smith, LA 2
6. Urdaneta, NY 2

American League

BATTING AVERAGE

1. Polanco, Det .600
2. Sosa, Tex .464
3. Kendrick, LA .462
4. Youkilis, Bos .462
5. Bloomquist, Sea .444

HOMERS

1. Francisco, Clev 3
2. LaRue, KC 3
3. Pierzynski, Chi 3
4. Rodriguez, Det 3
5. Thome, Chi 3

SLUGGING

1. Francisco, Clev .840
2. Polanco, Det .840
3. Sosa, Tex .821
4. Rodriguez, Det .786
5. Kendrick, LA .769

SAVES

1. Serrano, LA 3
2. Baez, Balt 2
3. Bukvich, Chi 2
4. Harris, Clev 2
5. Hoey, Balt 2
6. Houston, Tor 2
7. Whelan, NY 2
8. Wright, KC 2

Draft Day Details

Date: Sunday, March 18, 2007

Time: 4:00 PM, Greenwich Mean Time
(12:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time
11:00 AM Central Daylight Time)

Location: The Internet

This year we are conducting the DCBA Draft online using our league's CBS Sportsline page. Prior to or at the time of the draft, please log in to our page and go to the Draft Room and follow the instructions. In fact, I might recommend visiting the draft room right now to read about how it will work and to pre-rank your players.

We will have 5 minutes to make each pick. If the time limit expires, the player listed at the top of your queue will be selected on your behalf.

I will send out an email with my contact information (phone, IM) in case anyone is having problems accessing the site before or during the draft.

Getting to Know...Jackanapes

The second of our series of investigative reports on the diabolical teams of the DCBA and the men behind them. Led by a co-founder of the DCBA, a sitting co-commissioner, 2-time champion, devoted husband & father, and the stumblingest fumblingest football player ever, today we'll look at the Jackanapes (nee The Bucketheads (the love-child of The Smashed Hats and The Floor Pies)).

Q: What are you doing here?

A: I'm here to win, place, show, or come in 4th.


Q:What ever happened to the Bucketheads? Were you an admirer of Dr. Lester Fisher or perhaps an avid viewer of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom starring Marlon Perkins? Why the name change to Jackanapes?
A:I could no longer afford to pay for the rights to use the photo of that cherubic-faced darling girl with a plastic bucket on her head as my icon. So I went with an image in the public domain and based the name on the picture. Plus, you can't spell Jackanapes without N-A-P-S. And I think we all want a li'l Naps in us.


Q:To what do you attribute your past successes in the DCBA?
A:Changing the rules each year to fit my draft strategy.But seriously...This is probably a question reserved for our more successful and steamrolling teams, your Festivus Miracles, your Bebops Cowboy, your Deaths from Below. I have had mediocre teams that have put together the right numbers during two championship weeks. You just have to put yourself in a position for karma to do its thang. It comes and goes.
Q:I blame the other teams, personally.



Q:In the 2005 draft, after it was established that there would be keepers, you chose Randy Johnson with the #1 overall pick. Would you want that one back?
A:No. Not at all. I take each match-up one week at a time. In March of 2005, I thought Randy Johnson was the best pick for the first week of April 2005. As much fun it is to pretend we're 10-year-old boys trading baseball cards and throwing 10-sided dice in Baseball Dynasty Dungeons & Dragons, it's really about the wins. Keepers come and go. Flags fly forever.
And anyway, Randy Johnson turned into Manny Ramirez who turned into Roy Halladay who turned into...(stay tuned)...



Q:Who would you take with the #1 pick if you had it this year?
A:Virtually impossible to answer since we don't know who will be available, but if I had to guess I'd say Albert Pujols. Wait...which question is this?
Q:It's the one in which you try to avoid tampering charges and a formal censure.



Q: Any single player to whom you are indebted for leading you down the path of success?
A:Jeff Kent.
Q:What'd that douchebag do for you?
A:Did you know that no team has won the league championship without either having Jeff Kent on their roster or desperately coveting JeffKent? Think about it.
Q: Thought about it. Didn't make sense. Want to question your sanity. Wouldn't be prudent.



Q:Which major league player, past or present, do you feel that you most resemble?
A:Jeff Kent.
Q:In what way?
A:I, too, look like a complete doofus in a baseball cap. Oh, plus the 'stache.
Q:It's funny because it's true.


Q:Any memorable moments from your three years (and running) of DCBA play?
A:Sitting at the computer with the Bucketheads mascot, trying not to swear as I watch Travis Hafner's bench point tick upwards of 70 during one looooooong week in September of '05.
Q: Won't have to worry about that this year, eh?


Q:What's your drink of choice?
A:Manhattan, on the rocks, made with the mid-level Bourbon, Old Fitzgerald. No Bitters. I have one per week on Friday evenings after a hard day of watching Sesame Street.


Q:Ok, you're drinking a Manhattan at a bar and you find out that in order to save the world you need to pick up one of two chicks: naked zombie or clothed pornstar. Whom do you go for?
A:I'd be wary of strange oozes coming from either one, but at least with the clothed porn star there would be some layer of protection. So I'll go with that. And anyway, I can think of a couple things she could do for me while fully clothed. Like get me another goddamned drink!


Q:What do you think was your best trade and why?
A:I would have to say Derrek Lee and Mike Mussina for Roger Clemens and Larry Walker during Spring Training of '05. It was a great trade all around. Clemens went on to have another fantastic year and Lee's '05 was absolutely off-the-charts. No one saw it coming. Certainly I didn't either. I was just lucky: I didn't draft a 1B-eligible player and I was very desperate. It worked out OK.


Q:How about Free Agent pickup?
A:Oh, I've had so many memorable ones. Like picking up Hanley Ramirez in Spring Training of '06...and dropping him a couple weeks later.Didn't he end up ROY or something? Or picking up Justin Morneau during his awful slump at the beginning of '06 and then dropping him a couple weeks later. Didn't he end up MVP or something? But I'd say the best one was probably picking up Ben Sheets on 3/15/04 -- a few weeks before he'd break out on his 237 IP, 264 K, 2.70 ERA campaign.
Q:Yeah, we'll never see that kind of performance out of Sheets again.

Q: Finally, who do you see in the DCBA Final Four?
A: 1: Whoever has Jeff Kent; 3: other teams
Q. For the last time, Jeff Kent is Mormon, not gay. Anyhow, thanks for taking our questions, and good luck.

Trade Approval, Part II

The Commissioners recently tested the Trade Approval process. We thought it would be helpful to share our findings.

As per our earlier post, once you agree to a trade via CBS Sportsline (for deals NOT involving draft picks), the process is automated: an email is generated by the website, there is a voting period, once the voting period elapses the trade is finalized.

However, we have found that the voting process lasts for a period of 1 Day PLUS the remaining time in the day the trade is finalized.

• For instance, if you agree to a trade at 1:00 on a Tuesday, the voting period lasts from 1:00 PM - 11:59 PM on Tuesday plus the entire day 12:00 AM - 11:59 PM on Wednesday, with the players changing hands at the stroke of Midnight (or after, site-dependent, but at the very latest by 6:00 AM) on Thursday.
  
• Or if you agree to a trade at 11:30 PM on a Friday, the voting period lasts from 11:30 PM - 11:59 PM on Friday plus the entire day of 12:00 AM to 11:59 PM on Saturday, with the players changing hands at the stroke of Midnight (or after, site-dependent, but at the very latest by 6:00 AM) on Sunday.
  

The significance of the above is that it changes the weekly, ongoing trade deadline (for deals to be finalized prior to the weekly line-up setting deadline) to 11:59 PM on Saturday night.

Additionally, it changes the Yearly Trade Deadline to 11:59 PM on Saturday August 25, 2007.

The rules have been changed to reflect the above.

Select Your Keepers

KEEPER SELECTION DEADLINE:
Friday, March 9, 2007 at 11:30 PM.

Please select your 5 keepers before that time. You may select your own keepers on your team page. Look for the box marked "Keeper" next to each player's name. After you make your 5 selections, make sure to hit the 'set lineup' button. You may change your selections anytime up until the deadline.

At midnight, March 10, 2007, the rosters will be reset save for the keepers you've selected.

If you are unable to set your keepers prior to the deadline, the commissioners will choose your 5 keepers on your behalf, based upon your 2006 draft picks; the highest draft picks that remain on your roster will be kept, excepting the Un-keepable.

Speaking of, below is an up-to-date list of players who cannot be kept:

Gary Sheffield (Aamer)
Michael Young (Dave)
Travis Hafner (Chris)
Paul Konerko (Gary)
Todd Helton (Aamer)
Brian Roberts (Lach)
Victor Martinez (Mike)
Scott Rolen (Aamer)
Mariano Rivera (Dave)
Felix Hernandez (Brent)
J.D. Drew (Gary)
Barry Bonds (Alan)