The Trading Post

Hello!

It's the inaugural DCBA Year 2007 The Trading Post, which is a...post...about...trading. Mission statement stated, let us carry on with our mission.

In what has become an annual ritual, The Da Infidels once again draft admittedly despised Roger Klemens, this time in the 15th Round. The NSFW Flowers acquired Josh Hamilton on 4/23, with a winning bid of $2.

Let's take a moment to examine cursorily the players involved:

Roger:
Service Time: 23 Years
Plate Appearances: 211

Josh:
Service Time: 37 Games
Plate Appearances: 134

Very telling!

Besides the above, let us consider some of what Mr. Klemens has accomplished during the course of those 23 years, through the use of what Joe Morgan might call "statistics":

Strikeouts: 4,604
ERA: 3.10
Cy Young Awards: 7
DCBA Year 2006 Points: 307 in 19 Games
DCBA Year 2005 Points: 591 in 32 Games
DCBA Year 2004 Points: 609.5 in 33 Games

In his defense, Mr. Hamilton has almost as many tattoos as Mr. Klemens has kids, was drafted in the first round by the Devil Rays, and...has hit 3 homeruns (0 points) during a minor league rehab stint, as he returns from "gastroenteritis". I guess he must've gotten wind of this deal, too.

My thoughts on this trade?

TransAction Thursday

Hot shit hitter (Jack Cust) gets dumped for hot shit pitcher (Kevin Slowey)? I guess there're Four True Outcomes. News at eleventy o'clock, with NSFW Flowers as lead anchor. This lateral move cost $4 to make.

It's a legacy acquisition of Big Hurt, an honorary dorktorate, if you will, or even if you won't, but at the "expense" of Josh Paul. Is it time for Steamrolling, Level 2? Power up with that .221/.357/.384, Naps. This lateral move cost $1 to make.

Trying to beat Jackanapes at their own game, Naps also sign the animated remains of one Alan Embree, who I guess is still pitching somewhere for a major league team. Promising bullpen arm Mike Gonzalez failed to live up to the expectations of anyone anywhere, including deez Naps. This Antiques Roadshow move cost $1 to make.

Mowin' 'em down like there's no tomorrow, or 5th inning, Sergio Mitre-Saw is extended the privilege of being acquired by the starting pitcher woodchipper that is the Slipstream Starlings. Hitting more like Mrs. Garrett, Colorado Rockie Atkins was learned the facts of fantasy baseball life. This hopeful move cost $1 to make.

TWIDCBA: Week Eight

In Russia, baseball plays you.

Savage Sickos 369 @ Jackanapes 234.5
One week after putting on a cock-crowing show on the back of the season's second-highest scoring output, the Jackanapes suffered whatever the opposite of the bends is with their parallel-constructed second-lowest scoring output, as Chipper Jones, Randy Johnson and Brett Myers combined for...1 point. Combined. In toto. Despite another poor outing from Erik Bedard, the SaSi's other starting pitchers were able to pick up the slack by garnering at least one win per pitcher, although not much slack was needed given the competition. The SaSis are on a league-high 2 game winning streak, and back in first place in the Immovable Objects division.


The Consummate Bastards 336 @ All the wrong Cubs 360
Given the opportunity, ATWC made the most of it: 18 more AB than the CoBas gave them just 1 more hit, but larger advantages in RBI (35-24) and runs (31-25). Meanwhile, for the CoBas, their extra pitching afforded them the chance to score an advantage in strikeouts (59-39), but also to give up more ER (27-16). The recently released Khalil Greene & Jeremy Hermida combined to go 1-36 in an absolutely Jackanapian performance, thus explaining their releases. ATWC, on the other hand, will gladly ride the wave of whomever it is performing under the guise of Randy Wolf and his team-high performance.

• Randy Wolf 3-year average: 91 IP, 5-4, 65 K, 4.55 ERA
  "Randy Wolf" 2007 numbers: 66 IP, 6-3, 71 K, 3.40 ERA

Must be a full moon.


Slipstream Starlings 328 @ Not So Fragile Flowers 357
Did Jack Cust score more points in the one week before he was picked up by NSFF than he has in the two weeks since joining the team? Yes. Did it matter? No, although it could've gotten real ugly real quick with the SliStars cranking out 13 HR and 55 RBI on the week. Thankfully for the NSFF, the SliStars pitching was just as offensive, with a 6.94 ERA and only 23 K in 46 IP. The starters for NSFF didn't need to put their counterparts on the SliStars to shame (and they didn't), but they received an ample supply of help from Joe Borowski and Billy Wagner, with 6 saves between 'em. Next up for NSFF: the oldest starting rotation to ever grace the DCBA - Schilling, Clemens and Glavine.

Festivus Miracles 316 @ The Darned Sox 315
Eric Chavez leads the FMs to victory and he gets shown the door in appreciation. I tell ya, baseball is such a business nowadays, no loyalty at all. In a stress free loss for TDS, at least they can't look at their bench and wonder 'what if' they made this move or that to screw themselves out of a win; the bench was mercifully unproductive. Not as unproductive as the bullpen, however, which suffered a 7-0 whitewashing at the hands of FM's Hoffman/Nathan duo.


Da Infidels 312 @ Naps 312*
"In the event of a tie in a weekly matchup, the team with the home-field advantage gets the win." DI can't win for tying, as their old, familiar area code - and the first instance of the aforementioned rule needing to be applied in 3+ years - comes back to bite them in the ass (202 wouldn't be a good score, to be fair). A week after upgrading at 3b with the $4 pickup of Troy Glaus (7 pt.), it turns out that the jettisoned Scott Rolen (20 pt.) could've provided the margin of victory. You win some you lose some. To be gentle, I won't amend that. The Naps, in an otherwise unremarkable performance, lost their second reliever to elbow surgery this year. Historical note: Mark Prior was their first round draft pick in 2004, and it's been all downhill for him since then.

TransAction Monday

At 6' 2", an even 200 pounds, and nary a red hair or mustache in sight, Ryan Braun might not cut the same imposing figure as the Paper Towel Hunk, but when it comes to swinging a big stick, Braun the Brewer is the Man.





Hank Greenberg, Shawn Green, Lou Boudreau, Kevin Youkilis -- these are the great Jewish American Sluggers ("JASs") to play in the majors. Is Ryan Braun the next? The Festivus Miracles -- in a surprise bid of $6 -- paid for the rights to find out. It's a nice, gutsy pick-up for the Miracles, seeing as they continue to start Choad Figgins and his 0.47 points per plate appearance (which is a touch behind Pablo Ozuna's 0.51 and a tad ahead of Tony Graffanino's 0.46). Braun's call-up has been eagerly anticipated by Brewers fans and fantasy baseball fiends alike. Might have something to do with his .354/.426/.726 line at AAA. Eric Chavez was sent packing to make room.

Don't look now, league, but The Consummate Bastards are a-churnin'-and-a-burnin' the roster at both ends. Blockbuster moves are sure to follow. Check your inbox for trade offers. In? Stephen Drew ($1). Out? Khalil Green. In? Chad Billingsley ($1). Out? Jeremy Hermida. Billingsley is worthy of a speculative pick-up, as there are rumbles out of L.A. that an SP slot will soon open up. Will Billingsley get the call or will he be Garza'd out of a job?

How sad are things in the land of the Jackanapes. While Keeper Starter turned Middle Reliever turned Closer Brett Myers was shuttled off to the DL, the Jackanapes turned their crying eyes toward Jason Isringhausen ($1). To make room for this blockbuster pick-up, the Jackanapes once again let go of Matt Garza, who keeps getting Billingsley'd out of a job.


TransAction Mondays are provided by Commissioner Johnston for entertainment/reference purposes only and should be taken in the spirit in which they are written: with camaraderie and affection. TransActions are usually graded on the FAAB Scale, where F, A, A, and B represent whatever is convenient in any given week. However, this week, CJ couldn't be bothered. No big loss, if you ask me.

TransAction Thursday

The NSFW Flowers only believe in one Sosa this year, and it's not Jorge. So, he, along with one (1) whole dollar are sent to parts unknown in favor of Javier Vazquez. We may not know for sure whether Mr. Vazquez is the third, fourth or fifth starter for the Chicago White Sox based upon his performance to-date, but the question of what will come first remains: he pitches a colloquially known "quality start" or is dropped in favor of the next mediocre pitcher? I'm giving even odds.

My thoughts on this acquisition?



Like any good franchise, All The Wrong Cubs seek to expand, and branch out farther into the NL Central Division, namely through the acquisition of Houston Astro starting run-enabler Wandy Rodriguez. The venture capital required was $1, which shall be assessed at the end of DCBA Year 2007 against the luxury-of-wasting-fantasy-money tax. As everyone knows, Mr. Wandy comes with blurry eyes that flash at the sound of long flies. Lyle Overbay, even at a fair price you are still too much, so ATWC have written you off yet again.

Nopedate: Mr. Wandy gave up 5 ER in 5 IP last night versus NL West offensive juggernaut Arizona (collectively hitting .247/.319/.388).

My thoughts on this acquisition?

TWIDCBA: Week 7

Festivus Miracles 309.5 @ Jackanapes 404.5
Despite losing 6 of 9 positional matchups to the Miracles, the Napes relied upon their two #1 draft picks (Randy Johnson - 2005; Dan (rough translation) Matsuzaka - 2007) to pull them through to just the 2nd 400-point game of the season.

Da Infidels 319 @ The Darned Sox 375

TDS also lost the positional battle, but instead of relying upon fancy draft choices with more potential than experience, they employed a couple of 50 year old pitchers (John Smoltz, b. 5-15-67; Matt Morris, b. 8-9-74 (holy shit, that dude hasn't aged well)).

Da Infidels, meanwhile, would've picked up a solid first win had they been playing any one of 5 other teams during the week, but unfortunately they weren't so they didn't so they remain on a record-setting pace.

Not So Fragile Flowers 291 @ Savage Sickos 361
Jason Giambi wasn't wrong enough this week for the NSFF, who, as the league-wide trend continues, outscored the victorious SaSis on the positional front, who made hay with their pitching friends from the north (Erik Bedard) and south (Jose Valverde) of the border. Meanwhile, all-American astronaut-food-eating Barry Zito barely left orbit for the NSFF with his 1 point.

Naps 272.5 @ The Consummate Bastards 348

The Naps couldn't be bothered to try to make a game of it by continuing the week's primary trend of outhitting their opponent while being outpitched; taking away the league-leading 44 pt. performance of David Wright, they managed a .206 avg and a mere 101 offensive points. Billy "B.B." Butler may have given the Bastards a solid gold 0 on the week, but apparently he's just there because the rules mandate a leftfielder in the lineup. Bastard pitchers also led the league in pickoffs; thus, the unfounded correlation between leading the league in pickoffs and winning games remains intact.

Slipstream Starlings 312 @ All the wrong Cubs 295
Another trend falls as ATWC fail to make it a clean sweep for the home teams this week, although they did manage to outhit the Starlings, who got their bread buttered and victory snatched with the aid of free agent pickup Jamie Shields, the man who was dumped to make room for John Patterson (who was dumped for Kei Igawa (who was dumped for Phil Hughes)). I dunno why he dropped that guy; maybe he'll die. ATWC gained no help this week from Adam Wainwright, the man who was drafted to be their closer (while Papelbon was set to become a starter (and Isringhausen was drafted while all of the above was failing to materialize and later dropped)).

TransAction Monday

Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.

When you gonna give me some points, Carmona?
Ooh you make my money go, my money go
Pitch it like you're straining your joints, Carmona

Never gonna stop or give it up.
Such a filthy arm.
Always get it up when you called up from the farm

My my my i yi WOO

M M M My Carmona...

So far this season, the Slipstream Starlings have shown a real Knack for picking up players as they are shooting into the stratosphere. This week, another high-riser is pocketed as Fausto Carmona is picked up for $4. (Please raise your hand if you, yourself, gentle reader, put in a bid for Carmona too.) The wickedly disappointing Anthony Reyes was dropped to make room.

Carmona, who threwe ye olde CG/SHO last time out on the mound, is an interesting pitcher. Of all 39 MLB pitchers (who have thrown at least 20 IP) who are averaging 16 fantasy points or more per game start so far this year -- and Carmona is sitting pretty at 14th place with 17.71 points per start -- he ranks DEAD LAST in Ks per 9. You go from High (Randy Johnson with 11.85 K/9) to Middle (Curt Schilling at 7.43 K/9) to DEAD LAST (Fausto with 3.65 K/9). But alas, K/9 counts for nothing in DCBA, save for interesting water cooler chatter topics. What matters are the points. And as long as Carmona is providing, he shall remain a Slipstream Starling.

Nothing puts a sheen on a team more than a new coat of high Glaus paint. In one of the shrewder moves of the young season, 'Da Infidels cast in cast-off Troy Glaus for $4. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with Glaus comes the ever-present DL risk, but when he's playing, he's producing to the tune of over 1 point per plate appearance...

Top Three Third Basemen -- Points Per Plate Appearance
1. Alex Rodriguez -- 1.19
2. Troy Glaus -- 1.09
3. Chipper Jones -- 1.03

You cannot beat that for $4 off the waiver wire. Especially when you consider who 'Da Infidels left behind: Scott Rolen, owner of 0.62 points per plate appearance, which is just a touch BELOW Cesar Izturis's brother Maicer's 0.63!

Speaking of low-K, hi-Point pitchers, Not So Fragile Flowers paid $2 for a couple Jorge Sosa starts this week. Like Carmona (see above), Sosa is up there in points per game start. In fact, he's tied for 4th place (with Jamie Shields) at 19.33. (However, it should certainly be noted that Sosa has only had 3 starts; he's only pitched 20 innings.) And like Carmona (see above), Sosa is down there in K/9: 5th-to-last with a 5.40 K/9. But again, if he can put up some fantasy points, by all means start the SOB. Orlando "The Duke" Hernandez was dropped.

Also joining the NSFF is Hafner-Lite (or, if you prefer, Hafner-Right): Ryan Garko ($1) while extraneous closer Chris Ray was dropped. Like his left-handed-swinging, just-as-ugly, as-big-a-butcher-in-the-field teammate Travis Hafner, Ryan Garko can swing it. Actually, since May 1, Garko has been swingin' it and bringin' it, while Hafner has been scufflin' it and shufflin' it.

May 1, 2007 --> May 20, 2007:

Ryan Garko: .393/.424/.656
Travis Hafner: .203/.407/.390

One suspects that Hafner will soon shake loose and Garko will soon come down to earth, but used in moderation when he's hot, Garko is a nice pick-up.

The Darned Sox decided to put Hank Blalock's roster spot to good use and picked up Greg Maddux for $2. 2007 Vintage Maddux may not go down as easy as the Maddux from 1992-1999, but it still pours, and, depending on the week, you can still polish off an entire bottle in 97 pitches.

Don't look now, league, but the Festivus Miracles have picked up Bryan Bullington ($1) of the Pirates [minor league club], former first-overall amateur draft pick from 2002 (chosen ahead of dudes like B.J. Upton, Prince Fielder, Jeremy Hermida, Khalil Greene, Nick Swisher, Scott Kazmir, Joe Blanton and Jeff Francoeur). I don't know much about Bullington. He may get called up by the Pirates and join the starting rotation. Or he may not. But get a load of this: three names from Baseball Prospectus' player comps for Bullington: Dick Pole (former Cubs coach), Dallas Green (former Cubs GM), and Ed Lynch (former Cubs GM). Wow. Just...wow. Speaking of wowing me, Javier Vazquez was released to make room.

Sure, Jose Contreras might be scuffling a bit. And you know you're scuffling when teammate John Danks (14.07) is beating you in points per game start (13.94), but Contreras is definitely worth a $1 flier, especially when he would just be a component piece on the league-leading (in points) Savage Sickos. Bye-bye, Joe Crede.

The Consumate Bastards are trying another helping of Jeremy Hermida ($1), since the 2006 serving was so goshdarn delicious. He's healthy now, and raking. (Hermida, not the CBs.) In the week since he's been active, Hermida has posted a line of .417/.500/.750. Rocco balDeLli was released to make room.

TransAction Mondays are provided by Commissioner Johnston for entertainment/reference purposes only and should be taken in the spirit in which they are written: with camaraderie and affection. TransActions are usually graded on the FAAB Scale, where F, A, A, and B represent whatever is convenient in any given week. However, this week, CJ couldn't be bothered. No big loss, if you ask me.

TransAction Thursday

No snoozing traitre de la republique he, The Darned Sox pick up French-Canadian, and current Ranger, Eric Gagne and drop Richie Sexson because we're a long way from 2003 (his last year as a Brewer)(and Huston Street's hurted). Gagne's chin whiskers were also included in the $1 deal, and like Texas, don't mess with 'em!

My thoughts on this transaction?



Not content with having landed wonderboy, and centerfielder, Josh Hamilton in the first trade of DCBA Year 2007 (more on that later), The Da Infidels roster with a quickness last year's wonderboy of the 30+ set, Gary Matthews, Jr., centerfielder for the Orange County Angels. Is there a Matthews deal already in the works? For maybe another 40+ pitcher like Smoltz? Or The Da Infidels could just be protecting themselves from the inevitable mid-summer backslide by Hamilton. As Hamilton himself says, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of hash.

My thoughts on this transaction?

One Unit, Ready For Shipment

If anyone is entertaining the idea of 'buying high' on Randy Johnson, I suggest that you heed the posted "Warning!" - Choking Hazard.

That won't play in October.

TWIDCBA: 17 More To Go

Just over 25% through the season, if the trends continue, we'll see 3 new teams in the playoffs, and a first-time champion, with the Naps and Jackanapes both eliminated and perennial contender The Consummate Bastards looking in from the outside as well.

Slipstream Starlings 374.5 @ Naps 321.5
For the second time this young-but-getting-less-younger season, the Starlings knocked out a season-high 15 HR on the week to once again claim a share of first place in the Immovable Objects division with a 4-2 record and the overall point lead through 6 weeks. A projected 9-7 pitching advantage failed to materialize when Beckett krapped out and Bonderman...well, I can say anything I want about Nephew Fester and it won't matter, because he wouldn't be able to read it anyhow, that dyslexic Tigger. Naps' sinister pitching has carried them through the first 6 weeks, with league-leading 3.06 ERA and 1.06 WHIP totals, but on the other hand the quality can only carry them so far, as they also have the fewest games started, second-fewest IP, and are merely middle of the pack in pitching points. This scenario played itself out again vs. the Starlings and the Naps fall back to the pack at 3-3.

All the wrong Cubs 352 @ Savage Sickos 343

With a top 5 scorer at each position from 2-4 and 6-9 (damn you A-Ram), and despite the loss of batting champion and tall guy Joe Mauer, ATWC have jumped out to a .310 AVG/.386 OBP/.519 SLG start, leading the league in each category by a comfortable margin. While those numbers dipped a bit this week, they were nevertheless solid enough to post a 29-point advantage, and their pitchers were able to muster enough mediocrity to hold off the SaSi's to regain a share of first place in the Unstoppable Forces division. If there's one strategical move that I can pass along, it's this: don't chase points. 80% of players have up and down performances from week to week (not verified).

Week 3: SaSi's start Michael Young (7 pts.); Felipe Lopez on bench (25 pts.)

so...

Week 4: Start Lopez (8 pts.) [Nick Swisher: 14 pts.]; Bench Young (24 pts.)

so...

Week 5: SaSi's start Lopez (15 pts.) & Young (28 pts.) [Cuddyer: 3 pts.]; Bench Swisher (24 pts.)

so...

Week 6: Start Swisher & Rowand (33 pts.); Bench Cuddyer & Lopez (43 pts.)

By my rough calculations, if the SaSi's had stayed the course, they'd have at least 1 more win and a few more points - points that due to the extra loss may wind up playing a role in whether they make it in as a wildcard team or not. You don't even want to know what Harry Reid has to say about that.

Not So Fragile Flowers 335.5 @ Festivus Miracles 347

Having waited patiently for the first 5 weeks while he recovered, the FM's heart and soul and all-around playing guy Chone Figgins finally returned to the lineup and paid off immediately, accounting for the margin of victory as the FM surged back to the .500 mark. While they lead the league in 0 offensive categories, the FM have accumulated the most offensive points through the first quarter of the season, the only team above 1200. That they have the 2nd fewest pitching points answers the question as to how they're only 3-3 with such a potent offense. Torn between which 40-year-old pitcher to throw into the lineup, the NSFF went with the loud, empty wagon this week and missed out on a victory. That wagon was painted red, for the record. It wasn't only the pitching on which to pin the blame. Despite having 34 RBI to the FM's 29, the NSFF left 85 runners on base while the FM left only 73. (That margin of defeat, once again: 12 points. (Point of clarification - if NSFF had scored 11.5 more points to tie FM at 347, FM would have won the game on the basis of "home-field advantage," as we are Americans and don't cotton to ties in our sports goddammit.))

Jackanapes 332 @ Da Infidels 232

Unsolicited advice to DI: if you've stuck with these underperforming and migraine-inducing jackasses this long, you might as well hold on and wait for them to come around and pay off; it can't be much worse. That's step 1. Step 2: avoid the record for longest losing streak (8 games - 2004 Smog Alert [aka Naps]). Step 3: avoid the record for fewest wins in a season (5 games - 2005 All The Wrong Cubs). Finally, Step 4: set the record for longest winning streak (9 games - 2004 Immigrants With Ponies [aka Festivus Miracles]). Honestly, even the best of teams will lose 6 games in a season; yours just happened to come at the beginning, and consecutively. The Napes, for their part, despite knocking out a league-leading 3 grandslams this year are trailing the pack by a plenty with a putrid .233 batting average with runners in scoring position, leaving them ranked 9th in the league with 163 RBI. CJo moves to Beantown, takes on The Curse of the Pronk.

The Darned Sox 287.5 @ The Consummate Bastards 256

In the battle of the least-savingest-most-blown-savingest bullpens, TDS emerged as the victor over the CoBas, although the highly-anticipated bullpen battle turned out to be mostly a draw. Pitching versus hitting was the game here, as TDS jumped out with a 91 point advantage with the sticks, while the CoBas countered with a 60 point hurling advantage. If it's too early where you are to do the math, yes, TDS garnered a 31 win. While giving TDS all the credit for getting the W and climbing into a tie for first place in their inaugural campaign, not enough can be said about the CoBa hitting in week 6. Did I say not enough? I meant to say, not too much. And instead of hitting, make that "lack of hitting." .159/.237/.262 for 108 points. 8 of the 9 other teams had a higher batting average than the CoBa's slugging percentage, and they managed a .116 BA with runners in scoring position. Meanwhile, TDS' deal with the devil down at the crossroads has been discovered: 6.66 IP/start and a 6.66 k/9 ratio through 6 weeks. Evil Empire indeed.

TransAction Monday

Who IS this Guy?

With a Week Six line of .347/.464/1.04, crushing to the tune of a league-leading 48 points, Jack Cust was signed by the Not So Fragile Flowers for one simple dollar. Cust, a long-time champion prospect from stathead geek & goon circles but never given a legitimate shot at MLB playing time due to the fact a) he can't field and b) scouts and other "real baseball" gentlemen like to discount long-time champion prospects from stathead geek & goon circles, makes a nice addition to the NSFF. Will he continue to rake? Will he have any playing time once Mike Piazza returns? Questions be damned. He's worth a shot this week. Let 'er rip. Mark Suparossa was released to make room.

On the F-A-A-B grading scale, I give this move a B for Bye-Bye, Ballie.

Cust wasn't the only Mashing A this week. Dan Johnson, who had himself an even better Week Six of .546/.629/1.09 but with only 45 points, was picked up by 'Da Infidels for $2. Just in time too, as Ryan Howard will sit for the next 15 days or so with a strain of the left quad. Meanwhile, the struggling Zach Duke (with a sub-Ponson 8.63 points per game start) was let go. Also joining 'Da Infidels is Rafael Alberto "Al" Reyes ($1) who is still perfect in converting saves (11-for-11) this season. (Rumor has it that Mariano 'Alfonso' Ribeiro will be benched in Week Seven for Reyes. Developing...) One-time-thrower-of-no-hitter Anibal Sanchez was released.

I give these moves a Double A for Awesomely Awesome.

Lookout, league! The Naps have made their yearly Josh Paul ($1) pick-up. Longtime Naps watchers know what this means: It's steamrollin' time. (Pop quiz: Which team is the Most Steamrollingiest Team Ever? Click Me for Answer.) Blown Joint "B.J." Ryan was left to recuperate from surgery in peace. And heeding the sage sportsline advice of "he's a solid Rotisserie helper in larger mixed leagues" the Naps took a $2 flier on Hideki Okajima, RP-specialist of the Red Sox. Okajima has a nifty season line of 22/4 K/BB in 18.2 IP and an ERA of 0.48, converting 9 Holds and 1 Save in 10 chances. That's a sweet pick-up, folks. I'm glad someone west of the Mystic River was paying attention. Any and all Cubs out there, right or wrong, should note that Sammy Sosa was dropped to make room.

I give these moves an F for Fasten Your Seatbelts.

Speaking of All the Wrong Cubs, with Derrek Lee potentially missing some time, a first baseman was needed. And who answered the call but Lyle Appropriatepay ($1). Overbay might not light up the scoreboard like your Gloads or Garkos, but he is, in the immortal words of CBS Sportsline, "a decent option in mixed formats." Fun Fact: Lyle Overbay's Points Per Plate Appearance: 0.74. Albert Pujol's: 0.74. Discuss. Ramon Ortiz was sent back to the free agent pool, where he shall remain forevermore. Don't discuss.

I give this move a B for Bay: Not Over, Not Under; Just Bay.

The aforementioned Ramon Ortiz is no longer setting the league on fire for the Twins. And they [the Twins] just DFA'd Sidney Ponson. Of the four candidates to replace Ponson's slot in the rotation -- Kevin Slowey, Scott Baker, Glen Perkins, Matt Garza -- the Jackanapes "wishcast" $1 away on the Matt Garza side of things, dumping Stephen Drew in the process. Late word out of the blogosphere has the Twins giving the nod to Baker, but we won't know for sure until later in the week. Who are these Twinkie pitchers, by the way? Let's see some player comps (as per baseball prospectus):

• Matt Garza: John Smoltz (yay) and Juan Cruz (boo)
• Kevin Slowey: Justin Verlander (yay) and Eric Milton (boo)
• Scott Baker: John Lackey (yay) and Brett Tomko (boo)
• Glen Perkins: Tom Gorzelanny (na) and Ted Lilly (ps)

Get your FAAB checkbook ready for Wednesday!

I give this move an A for All Out of Money by July.

The Festivus Miracles dumped a Buc only to spend a buck on another Buc. In other words, Ryan Doumit ($1) was picked up and former NL batting champ Freddy Sanchez was dropped. Doumit's play has been so solid that the Miracles are currently on-the-blocking -- as we speak!! -- both Lance Berkman and Mark Teixeira. Doumit, by the way, is eligible at 1B, C, and RF.

I give his move a B for Buc You.

And last but certainly not least...in fact, this qualifies as "most"...the Slipstream Starlings spent the big bucks this weekend, nabbing Cuban one-baller Mike Lowell ($4) and ancient knuckle-baller Tim Wakefield ($2). For those west of the Mystic River who might not be paying attention, Lowell has been surprisingly resurgent this year, currently checking in around .95 points per plate appearance, topping such notables as Aramis Ramirez (0.84), David Wright (0.75), and Garrett Atkins (0.63). And Wakefield is posting a respectable 17 points per game start, edging out Red Sox mates Daisuke Matsuzaka (16.93), Curt Schilling (16.13), and Julian Tavarez (8.33).

Troy Glaus and Frank Thomas were released.

I give these moves an A for Absolutely Soxy.

TransAction Mondays are provided by Commissioner Johnston for entertainment/reference purposes only and should be taken in the spirit in which they are written: with camaraderie and affection. TransActions are graded on the FAAB Scale, where F, A, A, and B represent whatever is convenient in any given week.

An Interview With Savage Sickos

Howaboutthem Bebop Cowboys!

As we check in with the all-time winningest man in DCBA history (33-15, .688), the G-man himself.

When we last spoke (2005), you were just starting out here in the DCBA. You've stuck around, but still I must ask, how has the experience been?
It's been a joy...during the regular season. Then the playoffs hit and my gag reflex kicks in and all of my players simultaneously choke. It's a problem I hope they're going to get out of their systems early, since they're all doing a great job of choking right now (except A-Rod, but we all know he waits for the playoffs).

Smart moves - have you had any?
I might have to say drafting Adam Dunn my first season, if only because I know how much one owner coveted him. So much so he offered up Jason Kendall as trade bait back in the day - what was I thinking not jumping on that? Actually though I might have to go with me trading Dan Uggla for Carlos Lee. It filled needs for both myself and the fantasy team that was made up mostly of Brewers at the time.

Not that you were able to spend a great deal of time with our one-and-done Brewers-loving owner outside of draft day, but what were your impressions of him and his team?
He seemed very nice, although much like me I think in his first draft he was a bit too much of a homer. For me it worked out well - I'm a White Sox fan. Too bad he didn't hold on another year since the Brewers are finally on a tear. But then we wouldn't have The Darned Sox, and we'd be missing out on having him around.

Conversely, what boners?
Any time I picked up Tim Wakefield. Or drafting Conor Jackson, who - if I recall correctly - you said was a "steal." You can steal him from me if you want - I won't stop you. Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't include trading a large wad of cash to Brent for Matt Clement only hours before he got beaned in the head by a line drive and his season was effectively ended. I don't blame Brent since he had no way of knowing, but if he did - we'd all better watch out. Maybe that's how he scores so many damn points - he's like Nic Cage in "Next."

It's widely held that pitching wins championships. How do you plan to overcome the loss of your dependable ace, Chris Carpenter?
Two words: Tim Wakefield. (AL ERA leader!) No but seriously, I don't have a clue. Luckily Chris's desire to trade for John Lackey in the off-season convinced me to keep him, so at least I'm not stuck with AJ Burnett or Erik Bedard as my ace. I don't really have any trade bait since all of my hitters like to take off Sundays (never seen so many 0-fers before in my life), so I might have to ride it out and hope that Jon Garland starts taking some steroids. Kidding! But seriously - dude, try to strike some guys out once in a while. The Sox don't need another James Baldwin.

Go tell it on the mountain, native son.

Some in our readership would like to know, where are you coming up with these team names?
Bebop Cowboys was a variation on the anime' title "Cowboy Bebop." Add in that I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan and it seemed like a natural choice. I was going to call my team the Bebop Colts this season in honor of fellow choker Peyton Manning, but then he had to go and win the Super Bowl. Maybe that's a good sign for me. Savage Sickos is the name of the horror movie compilation that my no-budget horror movie "When Heaven Comes Down" appears on. That's the cover you see as my avatar. You can buy it at Best Buy and online at amazon.com for $9.99. What a deal!

You're a political guy, and I must say you're a bit of a liberal, wouldn't you say? How do you reconcile that with having a player on your team, like an Alex Rodriguez, who contributes exclusively to Republican candidates and/or conservative causes?
The only players I refuse to have on my team are known steroid users. We all know those guys are all neo-cons. And hey I can't blame millionaire ball players for investing in candidates that want to make sure they get all the tax breaks they can. It's smart business. Why do you think they all own houses in Florida and Texas?

Speaking of, did you know that Heather Thomas has donated $2,300 to Obama for President? Who knew that she had that kind of money to throw around? Was she stealing from Lee Majors? What's in it for her?
Did you know those aren't her breasts that make an appearance in "Zapped!" The dead giveaway is that she's a blond and the woman who owns the tits is a brunette. Oops.

Anyhow, back to the drugs...10 of the 16 players who have been busted for using steroids have been pitchers, and apart from Rafael Palmeiro, none of the position players were "sluggers." Why do you think the focus is on the hitters?
To quote the all-too-often used line, "chicks dig the long ball." I think it's easier for the average person to accept that a guy who went from 180 lbs up to 250 is using that weight to jack a homer, but they don't understand that for pitchers it's all about leg strength ("but he throws the ball with his arm! how can that be?" a stupid person might say). It's amazing to me that neither Kerry Wood nor Mark Prior are under investigation since they show all of the telltale signs. Increased strength early in their careers? Check. Constant injuries? Check. Inability to actually last a whole season? Mmhmm. As a former wrestling fan I worry that in 10 - 15 years a lot of these guys on the 'roids now are going to end up dead in their hotel rooms with heart attacks at 45.

As many of us know, you're a writer/director/producer of movies. What would you say is the best and/or your favorite baseball movie out there?
Hmm...I think "The Natural" is great, although it's reeeaaaallllllyyyy slow until the end, but that's all anybody remembers so it's cool. "Major League" is also one of those that if I flip by it on cable I'll end up watching for half an hour. There's one new classic I haven't seen yet - some Japanese zombie baseball movie called "Battlefield Baseball" that I'd love to see. I mean come on - baseball AND zombies? What's not to love?

Do you have any scenarios in mind for a baseball-themed movie? If so, can we all have walk-on roles, or have our team names mentioned?
I have zero baseball movie scenarios, although if you like I can mention you guys in other projects I'm working on. Although the urban crime drama might not be the best place to have someone named "The Naps." What did that stand for again?

Roughly translated, it stands for 2006 league champion, thanks for asking.

Most players have a 'theme song' of their choosing played while they're coming to bat, and most closers also have 'theme songs.' a. Do you find it annoying that more than one reliever would use the same song ("Enter Sandman," "Hell's Bells")? b. What would you batting song be? c. Would you have a different one in mind if you were a closer?

a. I think it would only be annoying if the closers were both pitching in the same game. Then the away pitcher should be forced to play something else, and it would be the home PA announcer's choice. But there aren't all that many great songs that the crowd will pop for (wrestling term) and something like "Enter Sandman" will get the metalheads in the crowd pumped.
b. Speaking of Metallica, I'm not a huge fan but hearing "Sad But True" come over the PA system while walking up to the plate would be a really cool feeling. However for something more personal Helloween has a great song called "The Departed (Sun Is Going Down)" that's really kick ass. Nobody in the stands would recognize it, but they'd think it was cool. Or maybe Black Sabbath's "Symptom of the Universe." Oh I know - Dio's "Stand Up and Shout." That would rule.
c. I think as a closer you need something intimidating, but it can have a faster tempo. How about "Lights Out" from UFO? Might be a little too cocky, but would be cool to run up to the mound to. Godsmack's "I Stand Alone" might be good too, especially as a closer.

And I'm sure Nancy Faust would be more than willing to bust out a mean organ version of "Lump" by the Presidents of the United States if those weren't available.

Which baseball player, past or present, do you think most resembles you?
Oh lord, I have no idea. I have the unmanageable parted hair of an A.J. Pierzynski, but I run faster. Do I remind you of anyone? I think we all know that Brent looks just like Chris Carpenter.

Which baseball play do you think most resembles you?
I'm not sure if it resembles me or not, but I have one memory where I was in a company softball game playing right field. Man on second, fly ball to me, and this pantload on second actually thinks he can tag up and take third. So I make the catch and throw the ball into the third baseman's glove, which is literally on the ground in front of the bag (she wasn't exactly a great player). He slides right into it. Out at third. Suck on that, Doughy McDoublePlay (that's not for you, it's for the guy who tried to take the base). So I guess I'm saying that my softball/baseball memories are limited. Although I did hit an in-the-park homerun once. Maybe that's what I resemble - against all I odds, and thanks to two throws that weren't right on target, I made it home. Or a strike out. Any of those. Hey, what do you expect of me, that's not a great question.

I guess that's why I get paid the big bucks nothing.

Ohhhh wait - I know what play it is. It was one of our games where I was in right, a line drive drops in front of me, takes a HUGE bounce, I somehow get up high enough to glove it, then promptly throw it out on to the street beyond third base about 20 yards away from anybody in the park, much less our field. Which, in a way, is a complete f*** up of the play I remember so fondly. That's me in a nutshell.

We couldn't have been a 2-16 team without you (1-17, maybe, but definitely not 2-16).

TransAction Thursday

With little fanfare, because really how much fanfare can $2 get ya, All The Wrong Cubs roll the wrong Molina out to the curb, hopefully not in the recycle bin. Chad Gauguin is commissioned in his stead to continue pitching masterpieces, or at least provide league-average replacement level innings.

My thoughts on this transaction?

TWIDCBA: Five Alive

Jonny Gomes, you're hitting .152/.222/.212. Less siesta'ing, more OPS'ing.

The Consummate Bastards 369 @ Slipstream Starlings 318.5

Quality and quantity. That's a nice combination to have from your starting pitchers, and a nice combination The Consummate Bastards had, with the staff averaging 33 pts/starter - 41 pts/starter, with a redonkulous 64 K in 53 IP, if Matt Cain's -0.5 is thrown out of the equation. This allows one and all to gloss over the fact that, aside from Prince Fielder, the CoBases's offense would be shutdown by Matt Cain. The Starlings offense was nothing to write home about, either, unless the home is a sanctuary for the physically abused; in that case, they'd be glad to hear there was no hitting going on. With 3 third-basemen on the roster, it's a challenge to work them all in at the same time and you wind up starting the wrong one occassionally (or 4 weeks out of 5, as the case may be).

Naps 351 @ All The Wrong Cubs 310

Mediocre pitching and adequate offense falls to less-mediocre pitching and slightly above-adequate offense. It's no Dewey Defeats Truman, but the formula worked well enough to allow the Naps to catch up to ATWC in the standings. Somehow, despite blowing away the rest of the league with a week-leading batting line of .358/.461/.570 and 213 points, ATWC were merely middle of the pack with runs & rbi (e.g., Derrek Lee on 5/5/07: 7 LOB). Aggregate stats for 8 of the 10 starters in this matchup: 38 IP, 24 ER, 1 QS. The 8 starting pitchers on the bench: 46 IP, 24 ER, 5 QS. Okay, we'll blame this one on the pitching.

Da Infidels 311 @ Not So Fragile Flowers 348.5

0-5: Da Infidels record or a typical Scott Rolen performance? C'mon, say "both." (You could've also gone off the board and answered correctly with "Not So Fragile Flowers record after 5 games: 2006.") After finally getting some pop from the bats of traded-away-multiple-draft-picks-for sluggers Alfonso Soriano and Ryan Howard, the Ayn Rand-loving Scott Rolen performs more like an abjectivist than an objectivist with his 1-21 performance, sinking the Infidels' chance to capture victory number 1. Ron Jeremy isn't known for his baseball expertise, but if he could provide any inspiration to DI, I imagine it would be this: you can still get into the playoffs through the back door. For the NSFF, Curt Schilling may be the only starter on the staff not named Chuck James without a Cy Young Award, but he's managed to pace them so far, painting socks and the corners of the plate with the hand-eye coordination of a level-9 Kicker of Elves. At 2-3, the NSFF have matched their best start in franchise history.

Savage Sickos 340 @ Festivus Miracles 313.5

Number of teams in Week 5 with more steals than homers: 1 - the SaSi's (7 SB, 5 HR).

Extrapolating Michael Cuddyer's 0-2, 3 pt. week out to 20 AB: 0-20, 30 points.

Paul Konerko in 21 AB: 4-21, 10 points.

Freddy Sanchez, 18 points - Eric Chavez, 7 points: 11 points.

Josh Willingham, 32 points - Pat Burrell, 17 points: 15 points.

JJ Putz, 27 points - Joe Nathan, 12.5 points: 14.5 points.

Margin of defeat for FM: 26.5 points.

Accounting for the luck of the draw: Pointless.

Jackanapes 275.5 @ The Darned Sox 334.5

Through 4 weeks, the opponents of the Jackanapes have averaged a league-low 293.75 points per game when facing them, meaning that if the Jackers had been able to muster a respectable 300 points or so a week, they could have a decent shot at a W. Then in come The Darned Sox to score 334.5, leaving the Jackers dejected and able only to put up 275.5. The Napes outhit TDS .254 to .250, as well as outslugged them .470 to .372, yet were unable to score or drive in more runs than their opponent. In his first matchup versus his longtime team, Travis Hafner missed the cycle by a triple, although to be fair, he only had 3 hits in toto. Speaking of Toto, Mike Piazza clicked his ruby red slippers and bid farewell to the team by outperforming his counterpart 6-5, but it's nothing that a hundred men or more couldn't ever do.

TransAction Monday

The Five Stages of Fantasy Baseball Grief
1. Denial -- "My team will be fine. They'll start hitting. And pitching. Any day now."
2. Anger -- "Just hit the ball, LOSER! And you -- you pitching clown -- stop WALKING people."
3. Massive Roster Changes:

Jackanapes dumped the injured Mike Piazza and picked up Ramon Hernandez ($4). Hernandez, who missed most of April with an oblique strain, has -- in the words of CBS Sportlsine -- "come off the DL on fire..." This is the word of the Lord.

In desperate need of reliable starting pitching, the Jackanapes inexplicably picked up DL-bait Kelvim Escobar ($1), while sending Al Reyes off to the waiver wire, where some smart owner will pick him up and ride out the streak to fantasy baseball victory.

And out of nowhere, the Jackanapes picked up Ken Griffey ($1) while Matt Garza is sent to continue to wait for the Ponson/Silva Conflagration that is sure to come.

4. Desperate Trades -- [Stay tuned]
5. Justifying it All by Stating that Keepers will Blossom in 2011.

All the wrong Cubs also had a catcher hit the DL this week when they discovered Joe Mauer's quad was bleeding. (What is it with ATCW and catchers? As if Michael Barrett's broken scrotum wasn't painful enough last year.) ATWC tried to staunch the bleeding with two backstops: Johnny Estrada ($1) and Bengie Molina ($1), while sending the DL-bound Adam Loewen and the slow-starting Carlos Quentin back to the locker room.

Snap, Crackle, Pop. The sound of krisped rice in a cereal bowl or the sound of Joel Zumaya's knuckle? The Consummate Bastards know the answer and have turned to Turnbow, Derrick ($2) whilst Joel Zumaya spends a couple weeks on the DL (and the free agent list). The big question is: During his vacation will Zumaya still be able to mash along to "More Than a Feeling" on Guitar Hero Deuce?

Why stop at one Brewer when two will do? 15th Round Bastard draft pick Yovani Gallardo ($2) (who was dropped for Greinke on 3/22 [who was dropped for Billy Butler on 5/3]) re-ups with the Bastards. Gallardo, who is mowing 'em down in Triple A, has these dudes in his Baseball Prospectus player comps: Jake Peavy, Rich Harden, Scott Kazmir, Carlos Zambrano, and Milt Fucking Pappas. Will he Lincecum to the majors or Lincestay in the minors?

The Slipstream Starlings picked up a motley brew crew of their own, acquiring the rippin'-hot slice of beef J.J. Hardee's ($5) and dropping the ice-cold Chad Tracy in the process. The surprisingly-solid Claudio Vargas ($2) was also acquired with the deletion of Kip Wells from our collective memories.

What does it take to shake the Festivus Miracles out of their non-transactin' ways? The re-emergence (for one start at least) of long-time companion Noah Lowry ($1). Jose Contreras was deported to make room.

Da Infidels paid for two-starts of Mark Hendrickson ($2) (letting go of prospect Adam Miller) but then promptly benched him for the since-demoted to AAA Anibal Sanchez.

And the Savage Sickos take on uber-grinder Aaron Rowand ($2) to replace Conor Jackson's roster slot. Sure, he may be hitting .363/.444/.566 on the season, but just think of how many points he'll earn by joe-hustling and running into walls and shit.

On the F-A-A-B grading scale, I give all of the above moves an A for A Lot.

TransAction Mondays are provided by Commissioner Johnston for entertainment/reference purposes only and should be taken in the spirit in which they are written: with camaraderie and affection. TransActions are graded on the FAAB Scale, where F, A, A, and B represent whatever is convenient in any given week.

TransAction Thursday

Will $1 for Micah do better than Millwood? The NSFW Flowers may just be planning on making a mess, but maybe they have a thing for hamstrings. They earned no miles for their bid, but will probably make another trip to the Add/Drop screen soon enough.

Rating: **

All The Wrong Cubs pony up $6 for the right to conduct DCBA's Rich Harden Watch. Fellow Canadian and perfectly mediocre pitcher Jeff Francis was sent on his way until he can grow a moustache. ATWC also fulfilled the adage that April Sowers bring May Suppans, using $3 as compost.

Rating: ***

Another year and you'll be happy, just one more year and then you'll be happy, Consummate Bastards, but you're overpayin' now, for "Big Mouth" Billy Butler. Just like on Baker Street, $5 beats all comers here, of which there were likely none. KC teammate Zack Greinke, who evidently remains shook up over Brad and Jennifer, was given all the space he needs by being sent to the FA pool.

Rating: *

Da Infidels elect to observe the embargo on Cuba in these patriotic times and push Mike Lowell out to sea on a $2 raft. Jason Marquis will continue to have to prove it through elevation into the guiding light where through a torn curtain he can see no evil but Venus, leading to happy friction. Or so Da Infidels hope.

Rating: **

[Ratings: *-Captain Ty Cobb/**-Chief Specialist Bob Feller/***-Second Lieutenant Ted Williams/****-Lieutenant George Sisler]

TWIDCBA: Week What

Festivus Miracles 352 @ Slipstream Starlings 388.5
Who did what: Chase Utley, 12-27, 2 HR, 10 RBI; Dan Haren, 14.1 IP, 12K, 2 W, 2 QS

Who didn't do what: Garrett Atkins, 4-25, 3 1B, 1 R; Dave Bush, 5.1 IP, 10 H, 7 ER

Who's doing what (4/16-4/30): Matt Holliday, 424/.443/.610; Carlos Beltran, .400/.438/.783, 4 HR, 4 SB

Who's not doing what: Garrett Atkins, .255/.305/.364, 14 K; Mark Teixeira, 229/.327/.417, 12 K

Pacemakers and Recordbreakers:
FM: Jimmy Rollins on pace for 722 AB (recordbreaker!)
SS: Matt Holliday on pace for 265 Hits (recordbreaker!)

Naps 324 @ Savage Sickos 358
Who did what: Vernon Wells, 11-24, 7 1B, 2 2B, 3B, HR, 5 RBI, 9 R, 3 SB, 6 BB; Todd Helton, 11-20, 8 1B, 3 2B, 4 RBI, 4 R, 9 BB

Who didn't do what:Felipe Lopez, 5-24, 5 1B, 3 R, CS; Chris Iannetta, 2-7, 2 1B, R, 3 BB, HP

Who's doing what (4/16-4/30): Alex Rodriguez, .340/.377/.800, 7 HR, 16 RBI; Jose B. Reyes, .390/.463/.644, 11 SB

Who's not doing what: Paul Konerko,.188/.241/.375, 13 K; Kevin Kouzmanoff, .077/.143/.103, 12 K

Pacemakers and Recordbreakers:

SaSi: Alex Rodriguez on pace of 98 HR (recordbreaker!)

The Darned Sox 336 @ Not So Fragile Flowers 303.5
Who did what: Roy Halladay, 8 INN, 5 HA, 10 K, 3 ER, W, QS; Derek Jeter, 8-18, 7 1B, HR, 3 RBI, R, SB, CS, HP

Who didn't do what: Richie Sexson, 2-22, 1B, 2B, 2 RBI, 3 BB; Bobby Aruba, 2-23, 1B, 2B, 3 R, SB, 4 BB

Who's doing what (4/16-4/30): Magglio Ordonez, .465/.558/.860, 3 HR, 21 RBI; Jason Giambi,
.442/.520/.674, 2 HR, 1 HBP

Who's not doing what: Jhonny Damon, .179/.319/.205; Manny Ramirez, .208/.317/.377

Pacemakers and Recordbreakers:

TDS: Dontrelle Willis on pace for 33 Wins
NSFF: Joe Borowski on pace for 66 Saves (recordbreaker!)

All The Wrong Cubs 298 @ Jackanapes 285
Who did what: Aaron Harang, 15.2 INN, 15 HA, 2 BBI, 14 K, 7 ER, 2 W, QS; Carl Crawford, 8-27, 5 1B, 2 2B, HR, 6 RBI, 5 R, 4 SB, 5 BB

Who didn't do what:Eric Boooo-yrnes, 1-17, 1B, RBI, 3 BB, CS; Bill E.E.E.E.E. Hall, 2-22, 2 1B, 3 BB, CS

Who's doing what (4/16-4/30): Joe Mauer, .409/.518/.636, 10 RBI; Brandon Phillips, .327/.362/.564, 3 HR, 13 RBI

Who's not doing what: Curtis Granderson, .260/.288/.500, 14 K; Carlos Delgado, .137/.228/.255, 11 K

ATWC: Derrek Lee on pace for 91 Doubles (recordbreaker!)

Da Infidels 252 @ The Consummate Bastards 262
Who did what: BJ Upton, 10-24, 3 1B, 4 2B, 3 HR, 9 RBI, 6 R, 3 SB, BB; Gil Meche, 13 INN, 18 HA, 2 BBI, 8 K, 3 ER, W, 2 QS

Who didn't do what: Brian McCann, 2-17, 2 1B, 2 RBI, R, 2 BB; Robinson Cano, 3-21, 2 1B, HR, RBI, 2 R, BB, HP

Who's doing what (4/16-4/30):Rocco Baldelli, .325/.413/.625, 3 HR; Jason Bay, .315/.383/.556, 12 RBI

Who's not doing what:Delmon Young, .173/.204/.212, 13 K; Rafael Furcal, .194/.265/.210, 2 GIDP

Pacemakers and Recordbreakers:

DI: Alfonso Soriano on pace for 6 RBI (pacemaker needed...heart failing...)