Playoff Watch 2007 - The Final Week

For those of you who may have lost track, it's true - the The Consummate Bastards, with their defeat of the Savage Sickos in Week 22, have clinched a playoff berth.

Thus far, that is all that has been settled, as in the Unstoppable Forces Division, the Cubs and Flowers battle for control with the winner claiming the divisional title.

What does that mean for everyone else? It means that the Sickos, having lead in the points race for nearly the entire year, are all but guaranteed entry into the playoffs as a wildcard team, leaving room for only one other.

Who will it be? The odds at the moment favor the Slipstream Starlings, who hold a nearly 100-point lead over their next closest competitor.

My prediction: the Da Infidels score 1,000 points, triggering the much discussed but little known 1,000-point bonus, which places them as the 4th team in the playoffs. This also grants them the right to claim 5 players from each team to form a 'superteam.' The superteam scores 1,500 points in the first round of the playoffs, which causes the 1,500-point bonus to take effect. Unfortunately, the 1,500-point bonus prize is taking batting practice against Rick Ankiel, who beans Aamer. Aamer is unable to submit a lineup for the championship game and loses; Ankiel then forgets how to hit, and after 15 straight plate appearances where the bat travels farther than the ball, he retires. He then goes back to the minor leagues to become an umpire. During his very first game, he's forced to toss a manager from the game - and that manager travels 375 feet at 90 miles per hour.