TransAction Mondayish

Elijah Dukes -- rising to No. 25 out of all qualified Center Fielders...with a bullet.





Making trades left and right, the Naps woke up and realized they had some roster holes to fill. And what better filler is there than the three amigos: Salty, Izzy, and Shooter. Fun facts about Salty, or, Jarrod Saltalamacchia ($1): He has the longest last name in MLB history (14 letters); his name backwards is Aihccamalatlas Dorraj; he is married to his former high school teacher; he's a catcher. Rickie Weakwrists was dropped for Salty.

Izzy, or, Jason Isringhausen ($2) was signed for this third tour of duty this season on his third separate team. I could say more but why?

Shooter, or, Elijah Dukes ($1) rounds out the pick-ups. Dukes, as you may or may not know, was in the news recently as his wife sought a restraining order against him. He allegedly sent her a text message including a photo of a handgun. And left her the following voice mail:

Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshitting. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. Nigger, all I know is, nigger, when I see your motherfucking ass riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherfucking house.

Dukes is eligible at CF. I ain't even bullshitting. LF too, dawg. He's coming on like gangbusters. He's firing on all cylinders. Here he comes, great guns.

With a questionable A-Ram and a questionable Gui-Ram, All the Wrong Cubs had no choice but to burn a couple bucks: $1 on Eric Chavez and $1 on Orlando Cabrera. Both were inserted into the starting line-up. Both will make ATWC pray for the health of Aramis and Carlos. Johnny Estrada and Adam Wainwright were dropped to make room.

The Jackanapes rotate in another subpar RP, this time trying Alan Embree ($1) on for size, dropping Jeremy Accardo, whose size -1 shoes were a little too small. Bengie Molina ($1) also was picked up to take a ride on the Catcher-Go-Round. Where he gets off, everybody knows: the DL. Speaking of, Ramon Hernandez was dropped off at the local hospital to make room for Bengie.

The Savage Sickos spent $2 for the red-hot Sean Casey Kotchman, possibly hoping to bench the season-long slumpin' Konerko. But as luck would have it, Kotchman was immediately deemed "a bit of an injury-risk for Fantasy Week 11 (June 11-17)" by CBS Sportsline. There's always next week. Felipe Lopez, who it might surprise you like it did me to learn has been on the Sickos the entire time, was dumped.

'Da Infidels, fresh off their first victory of the season despite Nate & Hayes Robertson's cool -6 on the week, dumped the aforementioned Robertson to pick up Orlando Hernandez ($2) who has two starts this week. Good luck with that.

Daniel Cabrera ($3) was snapped up by the Slipstream Starlings and was immediately inserted in the starting line-up, probably having more to do with his 2-starts this week than anything else. Cliff Lee was dropped, probably having more to do with his 9.94 points per game start than anything else.

And finally, The Consummate Bastards paid Phil Hughes money+ for the Tigers' top prospect Andrew Miller ($15). Miller, who won in his recent call-up start on Sunday, pitching 5.1 IP, giving up 4 ER and striking out 5 is due for, at minimum, one more start at the major-league level. Or more. Hopefully more. We all can't wait to see him live up the hype of being the next Gil Meche or Jamey Wright.

TransAction Mondays are provided by Commissioner Johnston for entertainment/reference purposes only and should be taken in the spirit in which they are written: with camaraderie and affection. TransActions are usually graded on the FAAB Scale, where F, A, A, and B represent whatever is convenient in any given week. However, this week, like last week and the week before, CJ couldn't be bothered. No big loss, if you ask me, which you didn't.