This Week In DCBA #1 - Open Up And Say Ahhh

1 week down, 22 more of them to go. If you're really good about it, you can add a week or two. 25 weeks of trying to keep up with 750 major league players, not to mention the notable minor leaguers who could pop up and be this year's Ryan Braun. But enough about the future; if I were any good with prognosticating, I wouldn't find myself 0-1 now, would I? With my player analysis skills already called into question, let us now proceed with my recaps of the Week 1 performances.

Slipstream Starlings (318.5) @ Da Prop Joes (268.5)
The 2007 DCBA champeens had all the right moves to start out the new season. Keeper Utley putting up a league-high 39 points; first-rounder Hernandez pitching in with 37.5 points; and Sleeper of the Year candidate and Eastern import Fukudome taking a bow for his 30-point debut performance. Further testament to the Starlings' managerial mastery was the benchwork of superfluous secondBASEman Polanco and OUTfielder "Upchuck" Buck, combining for a woeful 2-44 'performance' that Robert Mapplethorpe would find obscene.
A tough matchup in Week 1 wasn't exactly what Da Prop Joes needed to put their woeful 2007 behind them. Then again, their 268.5-point output would've only allowed them to beat one other team had the matchups been different. Despite putting up quality offensive totals - doubling the Starlings in homers 10-5, and staying with them overall on the hitting side 161-160 - the old adage that pitching wins championships held true, as their ball-tossing men barely cracked the triple-digit barrier with a league-low 108.5. Save those arms for pitching, fellas, not ball-tossing.

Broken Angels (272) @ The Consummate Bastards (297)
Yet another case of a lackey of pitching leading to defeat. The Broken Angels, like Da Prop Joes in their game, out-homered their opponents 9-4, but fell off the victory pace on the pitching slab. The solid relief corps, usually a hallmark of The Broken Angels franchise, didn't disappoint, picking up 4 saves and a win, but the 14% Quality Start conversion rate won't win them too many games, unless they can somehow start 20 games per week. Like I said, it won't win them too many games.
The Consummate Bastards rolled into 2008 without a name change - win, lose or draw? Nevertheless, they're the same old Bastards that you've come to know and compete in the same league with - the young guns. The 3 players over 30 (to use a nice round number; I'm sure that bar could be lowered to at least 27 but can't be assed to look) each were outplayed by their counterparts - Ortiz by 5, Betancourt by 17.5, and Percival by 6. Youth will be served. With a win. And 3 forms of ID.

Festivus Miracles (362.5) @ All The Wrong Cubs (263)
In a stroke of genius, the Festivus Miracles started two secondbasemen this week - one at DH. And what do you know, it was the optimal move. Escobar put up a team-high 29 points at the keystone and Brian Roberts served well as DH with a solid 22 points. The pitching staff, anchored by Cy Young Award winners Peavy and Halladay, as well as multiple top-5 finishers Hudson, Oswalt, Nathan and Hoffman (call now for their ((info))((tapes))), performed up to past peak performance and led the league with 195.5 pitching points.
When All The Wrong Cubs took to the field, they didn't perform all that horribly. The problem was making sure that they made it to the field in the first place, as starting lineup clogger-uppers Molina and Marcum put up nada and nearly 'helped' ATWC lose by over 100. (So close - "first place" and "All The Wrong Cubs" almost in the same sentence!) Despite an 0-5 W/L record from their pitchers, they put up a solid 66% Quality Start conversion rate, and the hitters chipped in by leading the league in singles. Of course, getting on base with singles while allowing your opponent to rack up the extra-base hits to notch RBI isn't going to help the cause. Unless the cause is losing. Bizarro!

Not So Fragile Flowers (311) @ Bucketheads (363.5)
The Flowers scored a number of moral victories this week: a record 11 starts; an atypical display of power - 7 of the 8 regulars with homers (V. Martinez is irregular because: a) switch-hitter, b) played 1 game, got hurt, missed the rest of the week, c) not enough fiber); the 4th-most points scored (which, if the season ended today, would land them in the playoffs). They scored an appropriately corresponding number of actual losses this week also: 11 starts netted them only a 4-5 W/L record and 5 QS; they were still outhomered 12-9; their closer didn't even enter a game 'to get some work' (I'm sure the Marlins are saving him for the playoffs); and...well, they lost.
Bucketheads (07's Jackanapes, 06's Bucketheads, 05's The Bucketheads, & 04's The Smashed Hats - lesson: definite articles win championships), with their Unstoppable Forces cellar-dwelling still fresh in mind, came out of the gates early and often to claim the points lead after 1 week. If the season ended today etc. etc. Powering the attack was the pitching antics of B. Sheets with 54 points. After averaging 134 IP over the last 3 seasons, Sheets went for 15 in week 1 and is on pace for 354. Something's...got...to...give.

The Darned Sox (302) @ Manriques (288)
Prior to the start of the games, CBS Sportsline kindly provided a "preview" which had the final score down as 373-357. While remarkably close to accurate in the margin of victory department, the totals were just a bit high. The pitching was more FTD than TDS, as the starters delivered 8 Quality Starts out of 9 starting performances. Unfortunately, the reliefers didn't get the gameplan, as they were 0-1 in save opportunities, giving TDS a whopping 5 total points from the pen.