Coach Buttermaker loves 'Bad News Bears' references almost as much as cigarillos, Schlitz, and teenage-girl pitchers.ATWCs picked up Toronto Raptor relief ace Dustin "Screech" McGowan for $2. They could've gotten him for $1. Eric Chavez was sent packing. Remember when Chavez and Rolen were the tits in fantasy baseball. Seeing these guys in the Free Agent pond makes me feel old. Overpaid. Wait, wasn't this the dude that had carried the no hitter into the ninth. Depending on how this kid goes, Generalismo Tidmarsh will either look like a chump or a genius. [That's my Dusty Baker on Baseball Tonight impression.]
Festivus Miracles were a victim of the shoulder bug that's cruising through major league rotations when Jason [ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah] Schmidt went to the table for a labrum. Shoulders are tricky things. To fill out the roster, they signed Justin Germano ($1) who I know nothing about since I live in the confines of a devoutly AL town. Apparently, he's a starter with dual citizenship in Reliefistan. Supposedly good for deeper leagues. Throws in Petco. Nice pick. Also coming aboard is Brian Bannister who is a Kansas City Royal but by the looks of his game log, doesn't really play like it. The Miracles will hope and pray that he doesn't catch wind of his real-life ball club while on their roster. Sent packing: Freddy Garcia with one of those nightmare shoulder things. Don't expect to see Garcia again this year. Bannister was "had" for a $1.
Reeling from the clubhouse dustup The Not So Fragile Flowers decided to roll with Chipper Jones by releasing Jason Varitek. Victor Martinez takes over the catching duties. To take 'Tek's place, cagey GM Michael Roberts picked up old man Kenny Rogers ($1). This Flower child team has some real 'character' guys on the roster. Just thinking about how this would look through the lens of my Little League days... Jeter the leader constantly reminding you of how many outs they've got. Manny alternates picking at his nose and the dandelions in left. Grady Sizemore, the skinny kid with ill-fitted pants. Gary Sheffield, who's only out-mouthed by his mom, getting into it with the all-too-all-American boy Curt Schilling. Kenny Rogers, diva. Roger Clemens' parents only bring him to half the games and then only after the team's started 0-5, which sorta makes everyone feel even more miserable about themselves because he's the best they've got. Barry Zito bong-ripping under the bleachers. Casey Blake, the kid with facial hair and body odor before everyone else so the rest of the team tries to keep their distance. Chipper Jones, the kid with actual sliding shorts and store bought pants, not the league issued stuff, afraid to get 'em dirty. Mark Teahen, the fat kid. Even though he's not fat, he's the fattest one, so he's the fat kid. Where're Kelly Leak and Tanner Boyle when you need 'em?
Slipstream Starlings continue to make slippy-sloppy by picking up Ty Wigginton. Wig can be donned at any of the bases, which is a nice thing to have this time of year. He'll spell Jason "Black and Blue Lung" Morneau at first for a week or so. Wig is streaky and coming off a hitting streak, so this could go either way. Worth the $1 fee in Canadian Dollars only. Sergio Mitre got fired. Tim Wakefield was released to make way for Troy Tulozitzki who seems to be the second coming of Doug Mienkiewicz in the awkward to type last name department. He's also another Polish born infielder, learning to play the game the right way on the sandlots of Krakow. $1. TT comes in to fill in for JJ Hardy and the up-until-now iron man Miguel Tejada. The Starlings are currently carrying three shortstops. I wonder if that bothers them. It bothers me just looking at it. Worry not for Wakefield, knuckleballers will always have a place in the game, real-life or fantastic. Pitching for the Sox, has to help too. Watch for Wakefield to float back in this thing of ours somewhere.
TransAction Monday -- though posted under the name Commissioner Johnston -- was written this week by Guest Blogger Extraordinaire Jonathan Hooker.
2 comments:
You're right. Chavez and Rolen used to be 'it'. But then they changed what 'it' was. And what was 'it' became scary and confusing.
Enough with the new guy. He's getting too big for his britches. Who's he think he is--Mickey Spillane?
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