This Week In DCBA #2: Festivus In Aluminum Pole Position

Da Prop Joes 244.5 @ Festivus Miracles 342.5
The undefeated, first-place Miracles 5 of 6 Quality Starts, 5 Wins, 3 Saves for a league-leading 145 pitching points. Standout performance by keeper Dan Haren, 12 K in 12 IP, 2 W, 2 QS (42 pts) , while rookie sensation Cueto rides the pine with 28.5 pts. Big Daddy Vladdy powers the offense with 31 pts on 8-24, 2 HR, 8 RBI week.
Da Prop Joes need a trip down to Pacific Garden Mission to get unshackled and try to be saved, as closers Sweaty Joe Borowski and Mo Rivera combine for 2 1/3 IP and 0.5 pts. Joe batters combined for a league-leading 223 AB.

The Consummate Bastards 229 @ Bucketheads 312
In 2005, the CoBas would have scored 1,642 pts on offense (almost 950 less than the 9th place team) and 411 pts pitching (1,800 less than the 9th place team): 2,053 total points in the entire year! In essence, they have a hell of a young team. So which youngster screwed em over this week? Oh, none of them - it was David Ortiz, the man who singlehandedly scored 734 pts in 2005, 36% of the entire team's output, checking in with a hitless 0-17 week.
The undefeated, first-place Buckets' top performance came not from CC Sabathia or Rafael Soriano, each of whom actually scored less than Ortiz. Combined they didn't even match Ortiz. Combined, they put up the same number of points as Barry Bonds this week. But nevertheless, a solid 1st round pick, Lance Berkman, carried the load - even stealing a base - and clocking in with 41 pts.

Slipstream Starlings 293 @ Broken Angels 252.5
The third undefeated, first-place team this week, the Starlings displayed the eye for talent that won them the title in 2007, as free agent pickup Brian "Son of Floyd" Bannister carried them to victory with his 14 IP, 2 W, CG effort, netting them a solid 42 points. Matt Holliday hit .480 with 2 HR and 10 RBI to contribute 41 more points on the offensive side.
The Angels got a league-leading 49 pitching points from Javy Vazquez. The rest of the Angels apparently thought they could take the week off, as they "generated" a league-low in a host of offensive categories, including HR, BA, and SLG, leading to a league-low 129 points of offense. Without Vazquez's performance, they also would've been in the cellar on the pitching side.

Manriques 256 @ Not So Fragile Flowers 302
Ah, winless and last-place Manriques. Bench points don't count, so it's a shame that every single pitcher on your bench this week scored more points than every single pitcher in your starting lineup. With the exception of Randy Johnson, who of course had that whole DL excuse going for him. The Manriques did manage to lead the league in steals, however, with 8. 8 x 1 = not enough.
Among the not-so-autodraftees, Duncan & Olsen hold down the bench, and Joe Blanton chips in 11.5 from the mound. Meanwhile, the 146th pick in the 2008 draft, Raul Ibanez, puts up the first 50 point week of the season with a 10-27, 4 HR, 11 RBI performance, powering the Flowers to a league-leading 215 offensive total in week 2.

All The Wrong Cubs 333 @ The Darned Sox 254
Behind the 10-27 batting performances of Adrian Gonzalez and Nate McLouth, as well as the 10-26 production of Bengie Molina, the All The Wrong Cubs led the league in batting average and on-base percentage. The trio of Hamels, Harang, and (not pray for rain) Wang combined for 32 IP with 4 wins and 4 quality starts.
Behind the 4-18 week of Ivan Rodriguez and the 4-22 production of Magglio Ordonez, the The Darned Sox led the league in double plays, with 7. Unfortunately for the Sox, while Derek Jeter averaged a point/AB, he managed only 1 AB in week 2. The bullpen duo of Wagner & Street combined for a league-leading 4 saves.