Transaction de Monday

I'm tapped out for witty quotes. Here's a nice picture of Dizzy Dean.

For a bunch of hippies, there sure was a lot of fight in the Not So Fragile Flowers this week. Despite edging out the Slipstream Starlings on the scoreboard, they decided to bolster their pitching by adding ex-Darned Sock ace setup man Scot "Deflector" Shields. TDS are rumored to have been so desperate lately, they might just have traded Shields for NSFF castoff Mark Teahen and saved the $1 pickup fee. Also out is Kenny Rogers, who got hisself on the DL with an elbow. How much longer is this guy going to play? one wonders. [I once personally witnessed him pitching in a Rangers' father/son/daughter game before a real game, and I must say, his underhand dealings to the kids weren't that much slower than his overhand dealings to the men the night before.] He's replaced by Aaron "Kiss the" Cook for $1. Rating this week's moves according to baseball movies, I give these a Major League II.

Let us not forget the Jackanapes, those impudent lil' turds. Two moves: Shutdown ace Randy Johnson was flushed for clubhouse cancer Milton Bradley. The Jacks won Bradley for a $1, but only because another team--I'm not saying which one, Gary--bid 75 cents. The Jacks are determined to go down fighting and dropped Manuel Corpas after using him only for his body for a week and throwing him out like yesterday's trash. Poor Manny. It's not like he didn't put out. He pitched in 20.5 points this week to help the Jacks rout the Sickos. Coming in is probable closer Brett "Quag" Myers. Let's see if the Jacks can keep this boy toy longer than a week. These moves I deem: Long Gone

Ah-ooh, The Slipstream Starlings left reeling from the loss of superstar Chase Utley had to do something. They dropped Ervin "Black Magic" Santana and picked up Orlando "Bloom Ernie" Hudson. [For give me, that was a reach, but this week was a tough one.] Price $1. The memories: about $1.19 a pound. I rate this: Little Big League, which is only slightly better than that Brighten the Corners miscarriage that was "Blue Hawaiian."

Rumors coming out of Texas say The Darnedsox, losers of their last 6, may be ready to sell off key franchise pieces to contenders for even the most irrelevant of future considerations. Hoping to better a weak schedule for their 'real' pitchers, TDS signed two-start belly-itcher Jeff "Chicken Shit" Suppan for a buck. Sportsline says he's seriously trying to get his season back on track. That's good. It'd have been a mistake to pick him up if he was frivolously or snarkily trying to get his season on track. Please, God, make it stop! This looks like it might be an unwatchable Scott Backula-laden Major League III: Back to the Minors.

The Consummate Bastards outbid another team above with $3--again, I can't say which one, but I know it's a darned fact that they almost thought about almost bidding $2--for flashy LF Lastings "Gets Good" Milledge. Off like a prom dress is Pat Neshek, who was only gotten a week or so ago for $3. A king's ransom for a middleman in a league that doesn't use middlemen. I call this one Bull Durham. But mostly the lamer, second half of the movie, after all the baseball and the relationship shit starts up.

The Savage Sickos. What can we say about them that hasn't already been said? Well, for one, they picked up Naps cast-off John Danks for $3. We'll see if this pans out. Danks hasn't been too bad lately. We'll see how long the Sickos' patience lasts on this, as this can only be a move for the future. Out is the perennially broken Bartolo "Stinky" Colon. Color this: The Sandlot III.