The quality goes in before the name goes on. Like it or Lumpp it. Good day, fellow DCBAers. Gary from the Savage Sickos here. Chris is on vacation, so he asked that I fill in for him today and cover Transaction Thursday. I warned him that since I’m not a numbers guru like himself it would suck, but here I am. So get ready for some shallow analysis of free agent pick-ups that will most likely have zero effect on game play, but at least give Brent and Alan something to do other than trade nobodies to each other once a week.
However, I’d like to try a little something different. Rather than scour the CBS profile pages, I’d rather use something I’m more used to: my PS2 copy of MLB06: The Show. Now granted this fine game is a year out of date, and it takes place the season after the White Sox won the World Series, but I figure – how much could players have changed over a season and a half?
First Up: The Consumate Bastards offer the most visual of the trades, giving us Rickie “I’m having an episode” Weeks getting yanked off the trash heap. Many a catcher and umpire have feared getting caught up in the whirling dervish that is Rickie’s batting stance, but that won’t stop the Bastards from giving him a shot. According to MLB06, second baseman Rickie is a “Quality player. Recognized as a cut above the rest.” Although he doesn’t have a single “A” on his report card – 4 B’s and 2 C’s. We call that “senior year in high school” where I come from. And despite being a “cut above,” the good folks at Sony think he has the “ Potential to be a good player – but not great.” That’s why you were a fantasy free agent in July 2007, Rickie. My favorite note: “Hitting is well below major league average (less than .250).” Rickie’s current average: .220. Video games – is there anything they can’t do? Getting the ol’ heave-ho is SP Clay Buchholz (two H’s – I can relate), who I can’t even find in the game. Since the guy just got the call up from Double A to Triple A, I’m guessing the Bastards thought he was a reaalllllyyy long-term keeper.
Secondly: Circling the Drain decides to give starting pitcher Sergio “My name is cooler than yours” Mitre a shot since he’s been lasting into the 8th inning lately. DCBA says he’s got a sub 3.00 ERA, which sounds impressive. But what about MLB06? Well, according to their wisdom he’s “Solid, but nothing more than that.” Which is funny, since he scores 5 B’s and one C – better than our “cut above the rest” Rickie Weeks. Looking back to 2005 poor Sergio was carrying around a 5.37 ERA, so I don’t blame the video game folks from not getting their hopes up. The guy does have an odd fifth pitch in his arsenal – a sinker. If he’s anything like me he uses that R1 button on the rarest of occasions. Like when facing Rickie Weeks. Of course I can’t find SP Scott Baker anywhere in the game, which is why he got dumped in favor of Sergio.
Thirdly: Unlike the previous two teams, who only risked a buck each on their free agent follies, the Savage Sickos dropped two big ones to pick up an even bigger free agent. And yes, that’s a lame fat joke. According to MLB06, they picked up a “Superstar pitcher. Unflappable, tough, and a proven winner” in Bartolo Colon. Um. Hmm. Video game guys, I think you might have dropped the ball with this one. Like we all wish Bartolo would drop a few pounds (ouch, a second bad fat joke). Do The Bartman has been sucking as of late – he’s lost 5 of 6, ERA almost as big as he is (6.38 – and yes, a three-fer in bad fat jokes), and his last three fantasy weeks offered up 11, 0, and –2 points respectively. Why oh why would the SaSi's pick up a…oh, wait, he’s a two start pitcher next week. And they dumped Scott “Hot-head” Olsen to get him. Olsen might have been one of the rookie phenoms on the Marlins starting rotation last year, but this year he’s su-ucked. Where was the lefty on MLB06? The Marlins’ second best RELIEF pitcher, who “is probably below average.” Amen to that, brother.
However, I’d like to try a little something different. Rather than scour the CBS profile pages, I’d rather use something I’m more used to: my PS2 copy of MLB06: The Show. Now granted this fine game is a year out of date, and it takes place the season after the White Sox won the World Series, but I figure – how much could players have changed over a season and a half?
First Up: The Consumate Bastards offer the most visual of the trades, giving us Rickie “I’m having an episode” Weeks getting yanked off the trash heap. Many a catcher and umpire have feared getting caught up in the whirling dervish that is Rickie’s batting stance, but that won’t stop the Bastards from giving him a shot. According to MLB06, second baseman Rickie is a “Quality player. Recognized as a cut above the rest.” Although he doesn’t have a single “A” on his report card – 4 B’s and 2 C’s. We call that “senior year in high school” where I come from. And despite being a “cut above,” the good folks at Sony think he has the “ Potential to be a good player – but not great.” That’s why you were a fantasy free agent in July 2007, Rickie. My favorite note: “Hitting is well below major league average (less than .250).” Rickie’s current average: .220. Video games – is there anything they can’t do? Getting the ol’ heave-ho is SP Clay Buchholz (two H’s – I can relate), who I can’t even find in the game. Since the guy just got the call up from Double A to Triple A, I’m guessing the Bastards thought he was a reaalllllyyy long-term keeper.
Secondly: Circling the Drain decides to give starting pitcher Sergio “My name is cooler than yours” Mitre a shot since he’s been lasting into the 8th inning lately. DCBA says he’s got a sub 3.00 ERA, which sounds impressive. But what about MLB06? Well, according to their wisdom he’s “Solid, but nothing more than that.” Which is funny, since he scores 5 B’s and one C – better than our “cut above the rest” Rickie Weeks. Looking back to 2005 poor Sergio was carrying around a 5.37 ERA, so I don’t blame the video game folks from not getting their hopes up. The guy does have an odd fifth pitch in his arsenal – a sinker. If he’s anything like me he uses that R1 button on the rarest of occasions. Like when facing Rickie Weeks. Of course I can’t find SP Scott Baker anywhere in the game, which is why he got dumped in favor of Sergio.
Thirdly: Unlike the previous two teams, who only risked a buck each on their free agent follies, the Savage Sickos dropped two big ones to pick up an even bigger free agent. And yes, that’s a lame fat joke. According to MLB06, they picked up a “Superstar pitcher. Unflappable, tough, and a proven winner” in Bartolo Colon. Um. Hmm. Video game guys, I think you might have dropped the ball with this one. Like we all wish Bartolo would drop a few pounds (ouch, a second bad fat joke). Do The Bartman has been sucking as of late – he’s lost 5 of 6, ERA almost as big as he is (6.38 – and yes, a three-fer in bad fat jokes), and his last three fantasy weeks offered up 11, 0, and –2 points respectively. Why oh why would the SaSi's pick up a…oh, wait, he’s a two start pitcher next week. And they dumped Scott “Hot-head” Olsen to get him. Olsen might have been one of the rookie phenoms on the Marlins starting rotation last year, but this year he’s su-ucked. Where was the lefty on MLB06? The Marlins’ second best RELIEF pitcher, who “is probably below average.” Amen to that, brother.
So there you have it, the mid-week transactions for third week in July. Me, I’m gonna go back to my video game, where after simulating 2006 I was able to pick up Albert Pujols AND A-Rod in free agency and am coasting to a hundred-plus win season. If only fantasy baseball online could be as unbelievable as fantasy baseball on my PS2…
5 comments:
Great read.
Would do again. A++++++++++++++Thanks!!!
Pujols and A-Rod weren't free agents! You cheat!
Wasn't that the Zenith slogan?
I swear I didn't tinker - that's just how the computer handled it. And yeah I had to bankrupt the Orioles to do it, but how else are the O's going to win a penant?
You mean A-Rod opted out of his contract on a video game too?
Post a Comment