Transaction de Monday

Let us exhume a parade of transactions this period past:

The Consummate Bastards were active more than ever, so let's start with them. First of all, they dumped Adam Jones for SP Franklin Morales, who you'll know as Ritchie Valens' big bro in La Bamba. Morales is a "long-term keeper option." This goes to show you just how deeply TCBs plumb the Free Agent pool for prospects. The dude pitches in Colorado for God's sake. Even at $1, I call this half-thought. Also picked up was Edison Volquez who pitches in Texas when he's not stuck in Triple-A OKC, $1. WTF!?! Placido Polanco, $1, who sounds like a disease replaces Rickie "9 1/2" Weeks at 2B. Finally, TCBs traded for Carl Crawford and Scott Kazmir who for all I know may be Ted Williams and Bob Gibson because they play in Tampa, and I just can't keep up with that team. Those dudes came over from the...

Jackanapes who got Phil Hughes who the 'Napes originally signed for $11 [giggle], and was last picked up by someone else for a buck. Along for the ride is bigass badass CC Sabathia and some dude named Billy Butler who plays in KC, which is a little like Tampa in my book. I suppose I'll look up Butler for you. Hold on. It doesn't say much other than he's a long-term keeper prospect. Let one of those guys who pays for premium scouting reports tell you about him. All I know is that he was born after The Joshua Tree was recorded, which is just fucked up in my book. The Jacks also acquired Chocolate Melky Cabrera from the...

Not So Fragile Flowers who got Kelvim Escobar in return. This guy is for my money the most unpredictable of fantasy baseball commodities: Handsome in the K's, but rather sloppy in the W/L department. The present looks to be the exception. Let's see if anyone finds themselves forgetting his past win percentage next year. NSFF also picked up 1B Adam LaRoche, $1, for Buddy Carlyle, who as I suggested in a previous post, is an intolerable little turd.

All the Wrong Cubs' guardian angel has finally arrived in the form of Joel Pineiro, a two start starter, for Aaron Hill, 2B, who won't start any games at all. Also trading places were Jack Cust, $1, who replaced another guy with a weird last name--Ryan Garko. Cust is hot again. For some reason, When I hear "Jack Cust" I think "Brad Fullmer."

Let's finish on a positive note: The Savage Sickos, outbid at least one club and got Ubaldo Jimenez, $10, who pushed out the ever-tardy John Danks. How long will it take Danks to reach his potential? Right. Danks was a Ranger find. So was Todd Van Poppel and Bobby Witt. What is it about these young, bluechip pitchers and their weird-ass names? Yovani. Ubaldo. Homer.

Tip-top everyone!