Rubbing up scuffed balls...how much worse can it get?(Keep reading for a clue)
After a short hiatus (the WNBA people - the WNBA!), TWIDCBA returns for the stretch run. Cinch it up and strap it down.
All The Wrong Cubs 263.5 @ Naps 385.5
Record-breaker/baconator Bobby Jenks unable to deliver for division-leaders(t-1), but like the rain, more blame falls on the north side than the south, with Cubbies Lee, Ramirez, (and since-released) Marshall dropping the soap.
Naps pitchers manage to go 1-1 in Cubville, but it's Bucco Gorzellany stepping up in tribute to trademate Matsui, putting up a 55 on the week. Andruw Jones brings up the rear, leading one to speculate that the end is near. Fact: No Curacaoan has played in the MLB past the age of 31 (Randall "Sausage" Simon & Hensely "Bam Bam" Meulens).
Da Infidels 284.5 @ Not So Fragile Flowers 342.5
As luck would have it, the Da Infidels could've beaten two other teams this week, but this wasn't one of them. Despite out-homering the NSFF 8-3, DI weren't able to convert that advantage into a lead large enough to compensate for their pitching deficiencies. Jim Abbott could pitch with one hand, but Jason Hirsh can't pitch with a broken leg?
While some might question the virility of the team with a Casey, Kelly, Grady, Melky, Micah and Chris, the flaming Flowers have pulled off a 7-game winning streak to claim a share of first-place, the best record in the league & guaranteed their first winning season in franchise history. And they owe it all to Barry Zito, of course. You've got to spend money to make money.
Festivus Miracles 252.5 @ Savage Sickos 315.5
Seven pitchers in the starting lineup: 84.5 pts. 4 bench pitchers: 75.5. The Festivi caught no breaks this week, as their pitiful points production dropped them from 2nd in points to 5th, which would be on the outside looking in come playoff time. Brewer bomber Braun bore the load for the FM, leading all scorers.
The Sickos provided some drama this week with Johnny Danks starting off the week in line for 2 starts, then being scratched, then put in for a Sunday start, then being shelled. Rookies. Despite his pasting, however, he paced the staff with 23.5 points. If something crazy happens, I'll be sure to note it, but until then let's just assume that A-Rod led the Sickos' scoring. He did.
Slipstream Starlings 290.5 @ The Consummate Bastards 314.5
In Polish fantasy baseball, you score when you're on the bench, and put up goose eggs when you're in the starting lineup. This isn't Polish fantasy baseball, Troy Tulowitzki, it's the DCBA! Confirming the contention that pitching wins championships, the Starlings were sunk with a mere 5 starts on the week despite a league-high number of at-bats. If there's a hole in the boat, that boat is probably the Maine.
The CoBas 2 MVPs combined for a solid 20 points, but it stands to reason that the Kents are looking out for each other. In another notable development, Francisco Lirirano, who hasn't thrown a pitch this year, was not the low scorer. I repeat: not the low scorer. I didn't see the game, but maybe Yovani Gallardo was throwing with his left hand in tribute to him.
The Darned Sox 313.5 @ Jackanapes 308
In a statistical note of absolutely no significance, the The Darned Sox finally put a visiting team in the win column. The mojo of a returned Travis Hafner, despite his performing like the south end of a northbound pronkey, once again set the The Darned Sox right. Putting the The Darned Sox on his back was Magglio Ordonez, the $75MM player the White Sox couldn't afford, who batted .500 on the week to notch 50 points.
Jim Thome, the $85MM player the White Sox can afford, could not put the Jackanapes on his back - and I mean that literally as well as figuratively, such a balky back has he. And to tie it back to Ordonez to wrap things up, it was that Venezuelan piece of shit motherfucker Carlos Zambrano chipping in to sink the Jackanapes. Solving the equation, it appears that his "first" season started April 1, his "second" season started June 1, and it looks like he's now in season "three." Starting October 1, look out DCBA, Carlos will be back.
All The Wrong Cubs 263.5 @ Naps 385.5
Record-breaker/baconator Bobby Jenks unable to deliver for division-leaders(t-1), but like the rain, more blame falls on the north side than the south, with Cubbies Lee, Ramirez, (and since-released) Marshall dropping the soap.
Naps pitchers manage to go 1-1 in Cubville, but it's Bucco Gorzellany stepping up in tribute to trademate Matsui, putting up a 55 on the week. Andruw Jones brings up the rear, leading one to speculate that the end is near. Fact: No Curacaoan has played in the MLB past the age of 31 (Randall "Sausage" Simon & Hensely "Bam Bam" Meulens).
Da Infidels 284.5 @ Not So Fragile Flowers 342.5
As luck would have it, the Da Infidels could've beaten two other teams this week, but this wasn't one of them. Despite out-homering the NSFF 8-3, DI weren't able to convert that advantage into a lead large enough to compensate for their pitching deficiencies. Jim Abbott could pitch with one hand, but Jason Hirsh can't pitch with a broken leg?
While some might question the virility of the team with a Casey, Kelly, Grady, Melky, Micah and Chris, the flaming Flowers have pulled off a 7-game winning streak to claim a share of first-place, the best record in the league & guaranteed their first winning season in franchise history. And they owe it all to Barry Zito, of course. You've got to spend money to make money.
Festivus Miracles 252.5 @ Savage Sickos 315.5
Seven pitchers in the starting lineup: 84.5 pts. 4 bench pitchers: 75.5. The Festivi caught no breaks this week, as their pitiful points production dropped them from 2nd in points to 5th, which would be on the outside looking in come playoff time. Brewer bomber Braun bore the load for the FM, leading all scorers.
The Sickos provided some drama this week with Johnny Danks starting off the week in line for 2 starts, then being scratched, then put in for a Sunday start, then being shelled. Rookies. Despite his pasting, however, he paced the staff with 23.5 points. If something crazy happens, I'll be sure to note it, but until then let's just assume that A-Rod led the Sickos' scoring. He did.
Slipstream Starlings 290.5 @ The Consummate Bastards 314.5
In Polish fantasy baseball, you score when you're on the bench, and put up goose eggs when you're in the starting lineup. This isn't Polish fantasy baseball, Troy Tulowitzki, it's the DCBA! Confirming the contention that pitching wins championships, the Starlings were sunk with a mere 5 starts on the week despite a league-high number of at-bats. If there's a hole in the boat, that boat is probably the Maine.
The CoBas 2 MVPs combined for a solid 20 points, but it stands to reason that the Kents are looking out for each other. In another notable development, Francisco Lirirano, who hasn't thrown a pitch this year, was not the low scorer. I repeat: not the low scorer. I didn't see the game, but maybe Yovani Gallardo was throwing with his left hand in tribute to him.
The Darned Sox 313.5 @ Jackanapes 308
In a statistical note of absolutely no significance, the The Darned Sox finally put a visiting team in the win column. The mojo of a returned Travis Hafner, despite his performing like the south end of a northbound pronkey, once again set the The Darned Sox right. Putting the The Darned Sox on his back was Magglio Ordonez, the $75MM player the White Sox couldn't afford, who batted .500 on the week to notch 50 points.
Jim Thome, the $85MM player the White Sox can afford, could not put the Jackanapes on his back - and I mean that literally as well as figuratively, such a balky back has he. And to tie it back to Ordonez to wrap things up, it was that Venezuelan piece of shit motherfucker Carlos Zambrano chipping in to sink the Jackanapes. Solving the equation, it appears that his "first" season started April 1, his "second" season started June 1, and it looks like he's now in season "three." Starting October 1, look out DCBA, Carlos will be back.
1 comment:
"Venezuelan piece of shit motherfucker"
Poetry!
Post a Comment