TWIDCBA: Week Two

The only offense Pods is good for is the kind that he creates with his "defense."

Through the first 2 weeks, we have 5 teams batting under .270 and only 2 teams with an ERA over 4. It's as if the rosters are stocked with Scott Podsednikses. So who were the least flailingest teams this week?

Savage Sickos 327 (1-1) @ The Consummate Bastards 365 (2-0)
While having 2 of the top 10 hitters in the game in their lineup, the CoBas are nothing if not a pitching team, as evidenced by the depth that had 2 automatic starts for most teams, Jake Peavy and Justin Verlander, sitting on the bench. Good ol #42, CC Sabathia, paced the pitchers with a league-high 51.5 points, while good ol #42, Delmon Young, lead the slugging side for the CoBa’s, who go to 2-0 for the 2nd straight year. The SaSi’s, meanwhile, could’ve used someone and/or anyone to fill the gaping hole left by their ace, Chris Carpenter. And if that replacement pitcher had given them 39 quality points, they’d have the win. As it stands, the SaSi’s are off to their worst start in franchise history.

Slipstream Starlings 320 (1-1) @ Da Infidels 246 (0-2)
After an offseason in which much was given and much expected, much like their distant media relatives through the Tribune Company, Da Infidels have yet to see 1 homer from Alfonso Soriano and only 3 total from Soriano, Howard and Bay combined. Good ol’ #42 Jimmy Rollins: 6 HR. In addition to that, good ol’ #42 Mariano Rivera might allow more homers than they hit at this pace. The Slipstream Starlings may not be knocking out as many homers as they’d like, either, but nevertheless they continue to try (and come just short), leading the league with 33 doubles (21 in week 2 alone). As Mark Grace would tell you, 2-baggers are good for slumpbusting, and the Starlings head into week 3 as the leaders of the Unstoppable Forces division.

The Darned Sox 274 (1-1) @ Naps 287.5 (1-1)
A 10 IP complete game from Roy Halladay and a perfect week in quality starts (5-5) would usually equal a solid victory, but on the other hand a 1-22 week from your thirdbaseman and 3-17 week from your firstbaseman usually equal a solid defeat. I would call the Sox victory this week…nonexistent…and their defeat…soft. What can I say, it’s been a crazy year all around; Ian Kinsler led all batters in scoring on the strength of 4 HR. The Naps’ luck can’t be counted on to last too long – they got 3 solid outings in one week from Cubs pitchers (and yet the Cubs only got 1 win out of it themselves), and their #1 pick, BJ Ryan, has hit the DL. If good things come in threes, however, they might have a chance; the Naps lead the league with 7 triples.

Not So Fragile Flowers 269.5 (1-1) @ Jackanapes 257.5 (1-1)
9 innings pitched, 4 strikeouts, and a loss. Not a horrible line for a pitcher. But that’s not just any pitcher we’re talking about, that’s the combined line for Ben Sheets and Carlos Zambrano last week, in addition to their cumulative 13 runs allowed in those 9 innings. That Diesucky Massbukkake pick is looking better and better with every passing week (all 2 of them). For the NSFF, Sweaty Joe Borowski (cf. Ducky Joe Medwick, Super Joe Charboneau) pulled off his best points total since December, 2005 – when he first committed to Richard Simmons’ Deal-A-Meal plan – putting the team on his big, sweaty back and carrying the dead weight of LoDuca (2-16), DeRosa (1-12), Teahan (2-20), and Sheffield (2-24) to an easy victory and a share of first place.

Festivus Miracles 262.5 (1-1) @ All The Wrong Cubs 248 (1-1)

From August 1, 2006 through April 15, 2007, Andy Pettitte had the lowest ERA among pitchers with 90 or more innings pitched. Unfortunately for ATWC, the Yankee southpaw’s performance couldn’t match the output of Chris Capuano, who from April 9-April 15 had 0 IP (and a 0.00 ERA – top that, Pettitte). The Festivus Miracles, on the other hand, used the ol’ switcheroo to come out on top, having their lumbering catcher steal 3 bases, while their speedy shortstop slugged 3 homers. Also adding to the FM’s margin of victory: 3 HBP. Nobody will stand for the speedy guy hitting homers and the squatty guy stealing bases.

Player of the Week (Offense): Ian Kinsler

Player of the Week (Pitching): Sweaty Joe Borowski

Pick to Click, Week 3 (Offense): Ryan Garko

Pick to Click, Week 3 (Pitching): Kei Igawa